Ahhh...the unwitting brilliance of Eminem. What ever happened to him anyway? Well, where ever he may be, he gave us this week's blog question so clearly he has not outlived his usefulness!
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...". I know I've said it at least once in the past month! In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make? One of the overwhelming-but certainly not the ONLY-theme of last week's "Shooting an Elephant" asks us, however indirectly--don't you just love subtext?-- to evaluate such a question. Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. After all, it's just us.
(400 words/55pts)
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138 comments:
i just wanted to say, i win the first post again (:
Wow, no lie, just as I was reading this post, I was listening to Peter Tosh's amazing song "I am as I am". The first few lines go,
"I'm not in this world
To live up to your expectations
Neither are you here to live up to mine"
That was REALLY weird.
Just wanted to say that, I'll finish this tomorrow. =]
jen you and your amazing coincidences....or was it some higher power?? let's not talk religion right here though. I'll be back to post my extremelt long and boring post soon.
Wow. This is loaded. I was actually considering doing this subject for my occasional paper... But since this blog already jumped the gun, alrighty then.
Okay. The question is basically why do we care about what other people think? I believe that everyone acts this way on some level, whether it is to please a parent,a teacher, or a boy/girl (depending on the person). I think we do this because there is a universal need to feel accepted.
Outwardly, I used to act EXACTLY like this... to please everyone at all times. I always acted upon other people's feelings, I listened to problems and tried to make everyone feel better. I always worried that I said the right thing. Why did I care so much? I mostly cared how people perceived me especially wondering why I had the BEST luck EVER with boys. Gah, how shallow. I always worried, what, am I not pretty enough? Not nice enough? Not good enough? I used to ask myself these questions all the time (that sounds so emo). And then I was so self conscious about everything. And of course, I would feel bad if I vented to someone else because I care so much about other people's feelings, and I don't give two craps about my own. It was like an internal battle with myself, feeling selfish if I unloaded my problems on someone else. Other than my dog. He listened to me vent with the utmost attention. I don't know exactly why I felt this way, caring so much of how people think of me. People expected me to be there all the time because after all, I'm not the one with the boyfriend so it's not like I have problems.
All of that ^^ was in past tense for a reason. This past summer, I spent a lot of time by myself to think about my life. I mean, I was busy with softball I guess. And soccer? Sure. This summer was disappointing because people who I was friends with, or at least I thought I was friends with, completely ditched me and never considered inviting me anywhere because I didn't meet their criteria. So, instead of getting all upset and blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong, I focused on myself and what I want. Because I never really did that before.
I wasn't really planning on ranting about my life, but I think that all applies to the question. I'm saying I used to have that attitude... the need to fit in and make sure I make everyone happy. But now, after my epiphany in the summer, I realized that is total bull. No one should put themselves down for any reason- whether it is because they didn't please a friend or a parent. You are who you are. Uniqueness is what makes you YOU, which is the greatest gift in the word. I realize now that I should hold onto my individuality with both hands.
P.S. I read over what I wrote and it is a tad bit confusing. I apologize.
HILface!!
So, I've been friends with you since kindergarden and probably know how you are going to react to a situation before you even think about it, and Im sure you can do the same with me. However, I think your perspective, as you said, has deffinetly changed over the years. Not that you were a chameleon(idk about the spelling:P) who did whatever they could do to fit it, but you got along with a lot of people and always wanted to help others and make them feel good. I've noticed lately that you have been thinking about what you want more now in high school, and your doing it in a good way. Its one thing to be self-centered and only think about how great you are, but you are concerned about yourself because you strive to be an individual and realized that what the 'clicks' categorize you as doesnt matter a crapload once you leave highschool. No one can say that they dont strive to please people around them weather its to fit in or just make people happy. But, when you are able to discover who you are and dive into your inner being, you can really begin to understand and look at people for what they are as well.
Hilary, I actually really understand how you feel.
"I always worried, what, am I not pretty enough? Not nice enough? Not good enough? I used to ask myself these questions all the time (that sounds so emo). And then I was so self conscious about everything. And of course, I would feel bad if I vented to someone else because I care so much about other people's feelings, and I don't give two craps about my own. It was like an internal battle with myself, feeling selfish if I unloaded my problems on someone else. Other than my dog. He listened to me vent with the utmost attention."
Hil, the only person you need to please if yourself. If people can't accept you for who you are, obviously they're not worth your time. You are so nice, beautiful, smart, talented, and unique. And it's great that you've realized that =]
I used to be so focused on pleasing everyone else. I was always perceived as the "good" one in my family, the one that never had any problems, never argued, never complained. But within the past few years, I've realized that I don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks anymore. I'm still not going to open up to people, but now it's not because I don't want to let others down, it's because I don't care about what they have to say. No one's opinion matters except my own. The only person I need to please is myself. I'm not gonna give in to the hopes, dreams, or expectations others have of me. I'm gonna be me. I'm gonna do my own thing. If If people can't accept that, whatever. If I'm pushing myself, trying my hardest, getting good grades, dressing up, doing my hair, anything, big or small, it's not for anyone else but me. However, I am extremely jealous of those who are comfortable and confident in themselves. It's not that I care how others perceive me, but I care how I perceive myself. I strive for self-satisfaction, but I could care less about satisfying others. I want to be content, but (oh, here comes the pessimism!) I just don't think that I can be.
People care so much because, I think Hilary actually said it word for word how I was thinking, there's a universal need to feel accepted. Everyone has flaws, and so we think that by conforming and trying to act a certain way, those flaws become less noticeable.
Awwwe, Carly... I've known you forever and I feel like I can trust you with my life and 100% understand me. Thank you for ALWAYS being there. :)
Also, Jen! Thank you for being so understanding and appreciating how I feel. It all comes down to "DO WHAT I WANT"... for yourself, not other people. No one has the right to control how you feel. P.S. You are an amazing person yourself and never believe anything otherwise<3.
This quote just came to me. It's from the movie Gracie, and I think it's great and ties into this blog...
"If you want to limit yourself, that's fine. Just don't let other people do it for you."
Hilary, no lie, your blog inspired me. <3
Hey carly, you're gonna either laugh or yell at me when you read this, so let's hope it's number one. You used the wrong "whether" in:"No one can say that they dont strive to please people around them (weather) its to fit in or just make people happy." it should have an "h" and no "a". Just though you'd like to know. Now i'm not making fun of you just thought it was "approperaite" after "creeper girl" today. :)
bahahahhaa. matt, yes, that's funny. creeeeeeper girl. carly, we must confront her on wednesday... so we can be BEST FRIENDS. =]
Thanks, Jen, I'm glad you found it funny. Good luck with befriending her. :)
MATT!!!:-/
Ha actually I'll admit that when I read that I giggled a little bit:) But yea the creeper needs to STEP OFF.
JEN AND HILARY
I love you both and wanted to reming you of what you already know that you both are incredible, smart, athletic, and beautiful individuals! And never think otherwise. But Jen I think you hit the nail on the head with this comment,
"Everyone has flaws, and so we think that by conforming and trying to act a certain way, those flaws become less noticeable."
Thats so true. Try to hide it all you want, but after a while you aren't fooling ANYONE, but yourself! People are smart enough to see through anyone's diaphanous (!) outward layer that conforms to society and the stereotypes around them. When you truely believe you are fooling people to being something your not, any individuality and unique characteristics you HAD begin to deteriorate until you're just another face in the crowd. Everyone always says that they want to make a difference or be original but I don't see many people trying that hard. Step out of that safety net and boxed personality and flaunt your real character. I DARE you:)
Carly, i looove you ! ahah. "Try to hide it all you want, but after a while you aren't fooling ANYONE, but yourself!" Exacccctly !
A) Why live up to other people's expectations, when the only person you should be pleasing is yourself.
B) ..Why would you want to be fake
C) You just make yourself look like a fool
D) People will make fun of you, because they're not idiots.
E) You live somebody else's life, while your own individuality rots away and becomes harder to find.
As a warning, this may contain some disturbing imagery not suitable for children under 15. As usual, I will start off with a story and I will not be expurgated (!), right Bunje?
A few days ago, as I was riding home on the bus, an unnamed girl approached me, well; not really, she just turned to me, and said, “Would you have sex with me?” Now, I will be the first to admit that see was very pretty, but I was just shocked and stammered a quiet, dry-mouth, “What?” She proceeded to ask them question again and I just sat there, speechless. As I tried to concoct an answer, she continued questioning most of the males on the bus with the same inquiry. I managed to slide by unnoticed, and didn’t have to answer. If you thought that was the worst of it, you’re highly mistaken; it gets better. The next day, Tuesday, which our bus, as I’m sure many other buses have, is… so “appropriately”…well, I’ll just say it’s an alliteration, has to do with a woman’s chest area (breasts), and it is quite “revealing”. Enough said. Anyway, this unnamed girl has decides she has an affixation with me and says, “Matty (how she knows my name I haven’t a clue), if you want you can touch my breasts.” Now mouth is really on the floor. Now, here’s where it has to do with the question. Everyone on the bus has been watching the situation and is egging me on, you know, the usually phrases: “Don’t be a pussy.” “What’s wrong with you?” “Just do it. Don’t be gay.” And my personal favorite, “If he (me) won’t, can I?” So I had a choice, either succumb (capitulate (!)) to peer pressure, abandon all my morality, and go for it with all the yearning desire and sexual intensity of a practically 17-year-old male or stick to what I believe and refuse her very tempting and "voluptuous" offer. Now, knowing me, what do YOU think I did? Well, I……….stuck to my morals. I know its rather anticlimactic, but this isn’t “Superbad”, it’s my life so you should of known. I mean, really, I’m practically the epitome of Mr. Goody-two-shoes…NOT!! Now, I not going to answer why I chose “no” but I will talk about the thoughts that perused through mind after the incident. So, first I thought, “Am I crazy? Why did I just say ‘no’? Maybe I should just do it now and prove to everyone that I’m capable of being, what you say, ‘Bad ass’.” Then I began to wonder, with a bit of sense in my head, “Why do I care what they think? I’m not going to “perform” like a circus animal at the command of others; that’s just not me!” So, the question is why did I care? My only inclination is fear of being outcast, excised, expunged, and being the punch line of jokes to come down the road.
But, looking back, I realize, I do care what others think. As many of you know, um hum Maegan cough cough, I am practically obedient to the “death” when it comes to friends’ requests. I have a hard time saying “no”. Now that’s not completely true, if it is morally wrong or something I don’t think I could live with, I draw the line, but otherwise, I pretty much under their command. I have, thanks to the help of numerous friends, Hils, Carly, Devon, and others, slowly learned to say “no” to things like, “can I copy your homework?” “Will throw this away?” “Will you fill up my water bottle everyday in pre-calc? (Oh, wait, I was reminiscing. That was last year)” Now the reason, I’ve decided, that I would cave in like a wet blanket was fear. I was afraid of losing my friends. I was afraid that just being ME wasn’t good enough.
Now, no one particular person made me feel this way; it was past experiences. I was never the “popular kid”. I was the smart kid, who everyone glared at or stared at like an extraterrestrial being. So when I had made a few friends, I did what ever I could to keep them. If they asked me to jump, I’d ask, “How high?” on the way up. I had little self-esteem. I slowly gained more friends and became a little more confident in myself, but I was still hiding behind a diaphanous (!) veil, as Carly put it; that just wasn’t me. I managed to fool a lot of people but I didn’t want to continue living a “double” life. I decided one day that it was time to stop living a lie and be ME. It seemed to work. Now, of course I lost friends, but I gained main more through the process. I was finally happy and could be myself. I lost that fear, for the most part, until high school. I got really nervous because I didn’t know what old friends I’d see or if I’d make any new. So, when I did make new, I did whatever I could to keep them. But I finally feel I don’t have to do that. I still take others’ feelings ahead of mine, but I don’t know that that counts. I think that more or less common courtesy and respect. Who’s to say my feelings are more important than anyone else’s? Hopefully, I won’t relapse in college.
Fear and rejection are the driving forces behind why we care what others think. Very few people are confident in “flaunt(ing) [their] real character.” It is really rather sad. I can only imagine the bonhomie (!) of the school if everyone could be himself or herself without fear of rejection or name-calling. There would be no garrulous (!) gossipers or deleterious (!) comments and everyone would feel welcome. But is that possible?
That answer lies within each of us. Do we, as humans, desire, even need, to make others feel downtrodden? Is that just human nature? Do we need to put others down to make ourselves feel better? And if we suffered through this shouldn’t they? It wouldn’t be fair otherwise. Why should s/he get off scot-free while I had to suffer? All of the answers to these questions are deeply rooted somewhere in our sub-consciousness. It the exact same conversation we had today, well at least in 9/10. The power to change this predicament lies inside everyone.
In sum, I completely agree with Hilary. Our own uniqueness makes me ME and you YOU. There is no denying that. But with that said, "Why do we try to hide it?" Fear, embarrassment, rejection? Or maybe we feel it will gain us ingress (!) into an exclusive club. No? Well, what then?
To conclude this session of extremely long blog with many rhetorical questions, I must say that no matter how hard we try not to care about what others think, we just can’t. It is human nature to want to be accepted, no matter what we lose in the process…for the most part. Don’t worry my adoring fans, yeah right, I’ll be back to comment on more people later when there are, well, um, more entries.
So until then, “BEEEEEE YOURSELF”
-The words of a very wise genie in the form of a bee, from Disney's Aladdin
Matthew, JUST SO YOU KNOW. I completely "bitched out" pretty much everyone on that bus after that incident. And you know for sure, if I ever open my mouth on that bus, EVERYONE listens, because it's just so rare. ahah. And I have the utmost respect for you, because alllll the other guys were drooling over that girl, while you were the REAL man who had the "balls" to be respectful.
Matty awww. I loved your insightful blog. And let me tell you--I completely agree with what you said. I was in shock when you told me about that girl on your bus yesterday, but I didn't get ALL the details. What she did was utterly disgusting and a perfect example of how girls get a bad name. Knowing you, I could've guessed exactly how you handled that situation. Like a kind gentleman, you stuck to your morals and did the right thing. I admire that.
As you divulged into the topic of high school, I feel that I might have had the same worries. Would I lose my old friends? Would I make new ones? The answer to those questions for me were both, yes. It's just life, and people change. And saying "no" can be difficult at times as well. But I know you can handle any predicament you are caught it, and will make it out with flying colors. We're always here for you :)!
Hilary, darling, H4L—I know this summer was a rough one for you and I admire that you used your time wisely rather than wasting it on what people think. I look up to you a lot more than you probably know. You have the best personality and a kind heart, I’ve never met anyone like you. But as you said, you’ve changed a little over the summer and it shows. The bad luck you’ve had really made an impact on you, but I know you’ll use it to your benefit. I just want you to sill be YOU. I know we’ve only been close for a few years, but you’re one of my best friends and you can come to me with anything. I love you! :)<3.
Why do we care what people think? Seriously, why? The opinions to these questions are probably different from one person to the next, but for me, this is the best way I can describe it.
Last year I got asked to prom (!!!!) rather late, with maybe only a month to get a decent-looking dress. But by then, all that was left were bead-infested, ugly-colored, “my first prom” dresses that made me want to vomit. So as I tried on the best looking ones I could find, the whole time I thought to myself, “Is he going to like it?” or I asked out loud, “Mom, what do you think?” For a while I didn’t even care about my own opinion. Kind of crazy despite the fact that I’M going to be the one wearing the dress, huh? But it’s the truth, and I’m sure it happens with everyone from time to time. Yeah, maybe you think you look good, but once you get to the Sheraton, lights shining everywhere, you want to feel comfortable knowing you look your best to everyone.
However, that is only an annual occasion. When my high school career started, becoming apart of a large population of people was a little startling. As a freshman, I felt the need to blend in. I didn’t participate in many of the spirit weeks, (although I had good ideas for them), because I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself. I played soccer and made varsity freshman year, which I shouldn’t be ashamed of, but felt the need to hide it in escape of any ridicule. But as I’ve grown and matured since then, this need for pleasing everyone has disappeared from my list of things-to-do. I care about my friends, teachers, and parents’ opinions, but not enough to change who I have become. I do have a boyfriend, but I don’t get dressed up exclusively for him. I decide to look nice for ME (on a morning that I’m not awfully tired). I do my best in school for me, not for my parents anymore, because it’s my future and I am the one who is controlling it.
Right now, I feel extremely comfortable with myself. I can say that yeah, I have great friends, I do well academically/athletically, and I’m not the worst human being out there, without caring one bit what anyone thinks. Sounds a bit conceited? For most people’s expectations, probably, but not to me. I have built up my self-esteem (it was very low in middle school after just moving to Mays Landing) but remain “modest,” as my mom puts it. I believe it’s important for everyone to find this in themselves, because everyone is unique and important to this world. There should be nothing holding us back.
But for now, everyday most feel the need to be comfortable in their own shoes by making everyone else happy. Whether it’s doing well in school for their parents, or caring about their physical appearance to please a significant other, there are times where everyone wants to feel unanimously accepted. The fear of being rejected is what seems to keep people feeling this way. How can we stop this? It seems as if it’s human nature to judge people and put others down, making you feel more important (wow, bullying?). Though I don’t suppose this is it. I believe the answer is the same for everyone. It’s not the people saying these things; it’s YOU letting it get the best of you. If everyone could just be themselves without caring, there wouldn’t be this problem. (It’s easier said then done, of course). But all in all, find yourself, and do what makes YOU happy.
Okay, this isn't my real post, but I found Matt's post extremely enlightening. I think that you did the right thing because, of course, you are the GREAT MATTHEW! *ahem* Anyways, I think you should've been all like "Dudette (since it was a girl) what's yo' problemo? I ain't doin' that!" because I know that deep inside, you are a gangster and will always be a gangster (or would it a be a wangster? o.o;) And you're just too nice! I mean, I understand that you want to keep your friends, but you don't have to do everything for them!!! If they're are really friends, they would accept you as you are!!! I'm glad to hear that you got rid of the bad ones! They don't know what they're missing in their life!!!
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But wait a sec...
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Do I use you too? Wah!!! I'm sorry! I just need some help with HW sometimes! Please don't feel like you're obliged to help me when you don't have time to!!! >///< I'm sorry!!
Fear and rejection is the primary driving force and I can see where you're coming with it, but in the end, I think that most people get tired of living a double life (like me!) and just pump up their jam!!! I dance to the music that I WANT to dance to! YEAH!!! But I'm glad that you aren't living a double life anymore! It makes me happy!
I agree that everyone wants to be accepted, but I'm not sure that everyone is hiding. I mean, I know that I am and I'm not saying that those people don't care about what people think about them, I just think that when some people finally got to be with people that like them for who they are, screw the others in this world. It's time to shine within that group! =]
I love the way you ended your blog too! ^_^ It's nice!!! Plus, good job with involving the vocab.
Oops, my comment's a bit confusing. I meant that, while I do dance to my own tune, I hide when I'm among certain people. ^_^' ehehe?
I want to answer these questions the best that I can, but I question myself on a daily bases with this blog and I still don’t have the answers. Hmm……….. Why do we care? In an episode of House, a raped patient who is pregnant only wants to talk to House and she say’s, “I’m gonna base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with. It's what life is. It's a series of rooms. And who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.” I think that explains everything in a nut shell. When you are in that moment no matter where you are, the people that you are with every day add up to your life.
I think we care because of what others expect from us. We all have our own group of friends that we stay true to even if it means that we aren’t being ourselves. We have our own standards as to what we should be in life, or how we should act, but who came up with these expectations? Because I doubt it was you. We learn from others, family, and friends of how we should look, act, and how we should behave. If anyone reading this can honestly say that they are who they are today because of themselves and have no influence from others, books, or society I am envious of you. If you think that all of yours friends have never said a word about any of you then guess what, you’re a fool. And if they tell you that they haven’t, they aren’t your friends. Even in the despair of anger they will talk about you. I don’t care who you are, or what it was about, even if it was the tiniest thing, guess what they have! People can be fake and I have quickly learned who the fake people in my life are. And guess what I’m done living up to other peoples standards and expectations. I am living my life the way I want to from here on out. So don’t judge me because you don’t know me.
When you are around the same people all of the time or you are just best friends with them, you begin to think that you have everything in common. If you can say that there is one person in this world that you know everything about, I would question that. Do you really know their deepest and darkest secrets? It kills me to know that I ever let myself worry over loosing friends, or how I spent time wondering what they think of me, or how much of an influence they have had on my life. It kills me because I can’t believe that I ever worried. If they are my true friends they will like me no matter what I do and if I am not being myself, they will tell me because that’s what true friends do. It is hard in life to find true friends, if you can answer all of the statements that I have made through this entire blog about your “true” friend then you should hold onto that person tight because it is rare that you ever find someone that you can be that close to. I ask myself, when high school is over and done with, how many of my so called friends will still be in my life when I am in college because I can bet that none will. Time goes on and so I will never fret over that past and I will enjoy high school as I will enjoy college. I will embrace the new people in my life and I refuse form here on out to let them change me or my perspective. This is me being honest and throwing my thoughts out there so don’t judge me because like I said, you don’t know me.
Why do I care what other people think of me? This is a question that I ask myself almost everyday, and I’m not sure that I have a real answer. I spent a lot of time thinking about this question, and although I had countless thoughts running through my head, I never came to a true conclusion. I try my best each day to be myself, to be different, to not follow the crowd. But when I start to feel as if I am following my own path, I look back and see everyone else following a different road. I start to think, what am I doing? Shouldn’t I be going with the rest of them? It is so hard to be yourself in a world where it seems like everyone else expects you to be someone else, someone who isn’t you. I wish I could be myself all the time, to not worry about what other people think, or try to live up to their expectations. I know everyone faces this same struggle, and I have so much respect for the people who can live their lives everyday without conforming their individuality. Those are the people who stand out, who can really make a difference. I wish I were more like them, and I do try, but at the end of the day, I think I’m just like everyone else.
It’s a lot easier at home, where I know I have a family who cares about me regardless of my faults. My parents don’t expect me to be the best student or the best athlete, they just expect me to give my all and not give up. Knowing that they will be there for me no matter what means a lot to me. They want me to do what I love and love what I do. It should be easy, but I can’t help but care about what other people think. At school, I feel like I am constantly under my brother’s shadow, even though he doesn’t go to Oakcrest anymore. I feel like I am always being compared to him, and that people expect me to be him. But I’m not him, and I never will be. I love my brother and he is someone I really look up to. I think sometimes I try too much to be like him instead of being myself. I think I’ve tried to be someone else for so long that I began to forget how to just be me. I’m starting to find myself again, but I don’t think I’ll be completely happy until I can walk through the halls and not care at all what people say or think about me. I think I’m getting there, and I hope I can walk down my own path looking forward, and not backwards at everyone else following the easier road.
Ok I'm so pissed right now because I pressed Ctrl+B and it deleted my whole comment that I worked on for about an hour.....so I'm definately not gonna retype all that stuff. I'll do this later as some kind of Beat poem.
RESPONSE TO MATT W:
Ok ok, I know I said I'd never respond to Warrener, but that little story.....peaked my interest. So you're saying you didn't do anything? Jeeze, man. Next time the girl tries something you gotta call her bluff. I don't mean you should go ahead and get her crabs/AIDS/gonorrhea, you gotta just do this.
Tell her to meet you somewhere after school. Preferrably somewhere pretty out of the way like the middle of a park (tell her to bring a blanket). If she was just bluffing, she'll come up with some random excuse on why she can't come. If she's not, go ahead and stand her up. She'll either just not go cuz she was bluffing, or she'll come in the next day all pissed. Now if she's pissed, and you really think she's into you, you say "I'm sorry, babe, I just need to see if you were tryin to play me for a fool," and you shove your tongue down her throat. Actually, that is not a good idea. Forget I said that, because if she's tryin to get with all the guys on your bus she probably has herpe-lips.
But it's only fair. You can't just let her fool around with you. You need to have some fun as well.
Ah jus hope de gud lawd kin find it in 'is hawt tuh fuhgive me fuh wut Ah gone en said heah tuhday.
Upon meeting someone, I’m not going to lie and say I’m not shooting for their acceptance. Of course I am. No one wants to be rejected, but if I am, it’s not the end of the world for me. It’s just one person out of 6 billion others. Yes, we all have that one boy/girl who we want to impress. I know, and so does Sara Veep who watched me continually freak out about my outfit, hair, etc., that I wanted nothing more than to impress my crush. She told me plenty of times that he wouldn’t care, and now I realize that he wouldn’t have. Looking back, it seems so immature of me. I should have just been myself from the very beginning because eventually he would’ve seen right through that diaphanous layer of mine anyway. So, all in all, I could’ve saved all the hair styling, make-up fixing, and the constant changing of clothes, because what really caught his attention in the first place was just plain me.
Yeah, I know I’ve said those words before. I do believe that I don’t care about what people think about me, but sometimes when I hear other people’s words and thoughts about me, it really gets to me. Especially when it comes from someone who is (or so I thought) a friend of mine. But, as Matty said, it’s just human nature to yearn to be accepted (no matter the costs) and liked by everyone. Even if it involves bringing others down in the process. I believe the fear of rejection causes us to fall in line with conformity. I know I WOULD’VE picked the feelings of the people closest to me over my own. For me, the people I’m closest to are the ones I’m most afraid to lose. But now, I’m starting to realize I have to take care of myself too. If they truly are your friends, they’ll expect the fact that they can’t always be your number one priority. I’ve matured over this past year especially and now I’m starting to realize that you can’t always please everyone. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to accept you. And you might as well get over it. I won’t always live up to the expectations of my parents, my assignments won’t always be as insightful as the person next to me, my grades won’t always be as good, and you know what? I’m just going to live up to my own standards now and gradually I’ll greatly exceed the low expectations people have placed upon me. I have slowly gained more and more self-confidence and it’s still growing strong and continuously. I used to feel the constant need of having to blend it. Now, I find myself craving to escape this conformist society that has confined us all. Thus, I might as well be myself and enjoy the ride.
I would like to quote my idol, the great Chris McCandless, “You don't need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us.”
I think that, in some sense, what he said is true. You really don’t need human relationships to be happy, as long as you are or feel accepted, whether it’s an animal or maybe even a plant, you might become happy. What a majority of people said when they were asked this question is that they don’t want to lose their friends or that they’re scared that people would shun them. That’s because we had been told over and over again that if the person is odd or strange, they are different and should be treated badly. Some people actually get the twisted idea in their head, saying that the person is acting different because they want attention or because they think they’re better than everyone else. I don’t know, but unless that person has excessive vanity and a superiority complex, no one really thinks that they are better than everyone else.
I think that everyone, in one way or another, do believe that they don’t care what anyone else thinks. However, the key word is believe. I am unsure as to why, but in today’s society, everyone wants a piece of the spotlight. They want to pampered and loved, and some will go off the deep end just have it for a few minutes. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” but that doesn’t mean “I don’t care what everyone thinks of me.” I have my own belief that, as long as I have my family, I really don’t care what others think. I had a rough time before trying to gather up attention, but in the end, I hated it. So, I lost a few friends like Matt, but I was fine because I beat the thought into my head. “I don’t care what you think! I do what I want!” (Which I should say came from all of my English teachers so far. Thanks.) I ended up just wanting to get away from that spotlight because it’s horrible. Attention of others is okay for awhile, but in the end, it’s just plain annoying. I think paying attention to others is much more rewarding because I get to know them better. Ahem, now to get back on topic.
Do other people’s perception having an impact on my decisions? Well, to a major and minor extent, I would have to say yeah. I mean, in my family, I am well-known as being the smart one who has wild ambitions in life so I kind of have to live up to it everyday. I mean, I’m fine with it now because I learned that I love challenges and, as Eva had said yesterday, I know that I’ll be bored if I went down to the CP level. The AP courses are supposed to be the most difficult classes offered to a high school student. If I went one step below that, I would end up in CP where I heard that I could sleep through the class everyday and still end up with an “A.” Boring? Yes. Back to the question though, the major force behind everything I do is my family, so to a major extent on the decisions I make, a majority of them are based on my family’s wants for me. However, I suppose other people in my life do influence my decisions. I mean, some old friends since influence me till this day. I got addicted to Anime because of Jacob and therefore, made the decision to start a club for it at Oakcrest. My friend Nicole still mails me every now and then and once in awhile helps me make the decision to be the best I am and she looks to me as her big sister. This bleeds into my life as I won’t stand for it when people make fun of my sister or anyone I care about. However, the one who really impacted me out of all of my friends (of course, not as much as my family) was Matt Leeds. He reminded me of my mother. I mean, when I was at my lowest, a complete stranger just came up to me and asked me what’s wrong. I know, it’s stupid, but sometimes people just want to be asked what’s wrong, you know? This act of kindness makes me want to be kind just like him and my mother….
Man, am I getting off topic AGAIN?!?! -_-‘
Ahem, we care because…I’m not sure. O.o; Truth is, yeah, I do care, but it’s not like I’m afraid of being rejected. Been there, done that. I care because the people around care about me and want the best for me and, unknowingly, pressure me on the path that’ll lead me to success. I mean, for those who just want to ruin me and make me do things I really don’t want to do, I don’t care about what y’all think because “I am what I am. I can’t help myself, and if you don’t like it, go with somebody else!” (Yes, from the Jonas Brothers…I’ll Get YOU, SALLY!!! YOU JONAS CRAZED FAN!!!) Ahem, but if there should be a real reason as to why we care, I’m guessing Matt and Hilary would be correct, seeing as I’ve had friends who are so scared of losing friends that they did everything to keep them there. It is important to them because it has been beat into their heads that it sucks to be alone and it’s better to be popular than themselves. I think? Truth is, I’m just weird and indifferent in this area…I used to understand a little of why people act the way they do, but I kind of let it go and started over this year. I don’t really care about people who that glare at me or who stare with amazement. It’s society and there’s a sense of hierarchy implanted into our heads. In order to be at the top, we’ve got to get rid of the competition. Of course, as babies we don’t understand that, it’s a cycle that continues unconsciously. Our parents want us to get up there and so make us almost hate our competition when they get higher.
People’s perceptions are biased and their expectations flawed. The only real reason they have so much of an influence on us is, I suppose, because we’ve heard it many times and it’s stuck in our heads. Remember Mr. Costal everyone? From when we were young, we’ve been told that we were smart and since then have been continually told that. This leads us to believing that we are smart and people then continue to push pressure on us because they also see us as smart. I want to honestly say that I never got the treatment until, maybe, the 6th grade. I don’t really think of myself as smart because I mean look at the world! There’s so much to learn and so little time!! We are just part of a big whole where knowledge can be found at our fingertips! Isn’t that exciting? I don’t care if people say I have no life or if I’m some sort of nerd because I don’t want to be like them, obsessed with myself and make-up and clothes, and what not. I have the world at my fingertips and within my sight.
Okay… I have no idea if I even really answered the questions at all, but yeah. ^_^ PEACE OUT, DUDES AND DUDETTES!!!
(Sorry for the long comment.)
Hils, i think you are someone who doesn't care what people think about them. And i really admire that about you. That was probably one of the first few things i noticed about you; that you weren't afraid to be crazy, exuberant Hilary. "I realize now that I should hold onto my individuality with both hands." - don't ever let it go! :)
Hilaryyyy! : You, my dear, are amazing. I love that I can hear your laugh over everything else in the lunch room and that you will wear your little vitamin water wristbands with pride. I seriously love you to death and you are one of the few people who makes sense to me. You and I can be lions for Halloween this year. :P
Jen: I would like to point out that over the past few days in 9/10 the comments you have made are seemingly less pessimistic, and I love it. Keep being optimistic. (:
Matt: Until today, I have never read your entire blog, ever. I’m sorry, they are just too damn long! But this one left me dumbfounded. I can not believe that girl, and I want to smack her. I don’t care how tall she is, I’ll get a chair! (just kidding……kinda) I love love love this blog and you are so cute mattty boy. Oh and this is the only time I will ever utter these words, Listen to Jon on his comment, he is a master at coming up with plans like that. P.S. – still gotta talk to youuuu!
Papa Bear <3: I don’t care what anyone else says, YOU are my favorite nelson. I was never one of the ‘Alex Nelson Lover’ ilk (!). (if I used that wrong I am going to feel so dumb) You are an all around great person. Everyone loves to be around you. (Hence why you are not going into the Marines…. unless it’s only for that uniform. Yummy haha) Love you Erik <3
OH- does anyone else absolutely love this middle-of-the-week day off as much as i do?!
Ok, so first Jon:
Thanks, but I think I'll pass. I hope you don't find that cruel joke funny? No matter how other poeple act towards me I'm still going to try to show them repsect, and doing that is just disrespectful in my eyes. You can feel otherwise, but that's my opinion.
To everyone:
When I talked about homework help and other things like that, I meant exessiveness, to the point where I'm practically doing everything for someone else. I will always help someeone in need to the best of my ability, but if I'm doing it for them, than I have to draw the line.
To Jen:
Thanks for your support that means a lot that someone feels I did the right thing, nit that u change it if you didn't it is just nice to know.BTW awesome quote, "If you want to limit yourself, that's fine. Just don't let other people do it for you." So true.
To Alice:
Calm down, you don't take advantage of me, and if you did I'd tell you. I will always help you when you need it like you'd do for me.
To Hilary:
Looking back to homeroom last year, I feel i got to see the "real" you. Either way, just rememeber the conversation we had. Do you remember? If not, it ends with the phrase, "you're a 14!!!" Just remember that anytime you feel like you need to change because you don't. You put it perfectly by saying, "Uniqueness is what makes you YOU, which is the greatest gift in the wor(l)d." you are awesome just they way you are.
VP:
First, you look goo in what ever you where, so why the heck were you wrrying so much?!?!?!? Second, I enjoyed reading to thoughts and I couldn't agree more, besides the prom part.
Erik:
"It is so hard to be yourself in a world where it seems like everyone else expects you to be someone else, someone who isn’t you. I wish I could be myself all the time, to not worry about what other people think, or try to live up to their expectations." I commently agree.
Meg L:
No one will judge you becuase if they due they have to deal with me. ok, so i'm sure that no really comfort, but it was worth a try :)
“I don’t care what anyone thinks.” I definitely remember saying that to myself a countless number of times in the past. I figure the more I say that to myself, the more I’ll start believing it. And I try to be strong and I try to ignore the way other people think of me, but to be honest, I still care. I still find the need for acceptance even by the people that have hurt me in the past. I feel that I’m willing to forgive people for their mistakes in return for their acceptance.
This constant need for acceptance is the main reason why people’s perceptions play such an influential role. Why is acceptance so utterly important? Well, I feel acceptance comes with feelings that are so much better than the feelings of rejection. People yearn for this social security because rejection basically just stinks. At least, it does for me. I don’t like feeling sad. I don’t like feeling ashamed of myself. And I feel that way when I think other people are ashamed of me. So, I constantly try not to put myself in that position. Sometimes this seems like it’s for the better and sometimes its not.
In my group of friends, I find my role to be the dependable one or the “good” one. And I take pride in that, but I constantly feel like my actions are dictated to fit that role. And if I ever stray away from that, it’s so shocking, surprising, or even disappointing. I don’t like disappointing others and I like being the “go-to girl.” So I tend to put others before I put myself. In a sense, that’s a good thing until people start taking advantage. Once that happens, it seems that how I’m acting is just hurting myself.
Peer pressure and self imposed pressure seems to be much more influential on my actions than parental pressure. In fact, I feel as if I don’t have any parental pressure at all. This does change the way act between my friends and my family. I can tell that I care more about what my peers think about me then what my family thinks about me. So, I’m a completely different person when I am at school then when I am at home. And, I know that isn’t right. But no matter how much I want to change, I’m so caught up in between these two lives that I cannot compromise with myself.
High school. It is the phase of our lives where we either find ourselves or lose ourselves. And it can either break us or make us stronger. For me, I’m still trying to find peace. Peace with myself. And I know all these experiences whether good or bad right now will help me learn for the future. So maybe then, I can actually really mean it when I say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
Hilaryyy-
I feel like I can relate to you so much. Except for your epiphany because I’m not quite there yet. But everything you said makes complete sense. I feel like people expect me to be there all time as well. You gave probably the best advice I’ve heard in a while: “No one should put themselves down for any reason- whether it is because they didn't please a friend or a parent.” That pressure gets really hard at a point. But I have the utmost respect for you for getting over that stage.
And this really does go out for everyone. For many and most of you, I have the greatest and deepest respect for you guys. And not only that, but even a sense of envy. To be completely at peace with yourself and having this carefree attitude must be quite amazing.
* Gosh, these blogs are just getting more and more intense by the minute.. :)
Alright matt... though I'm not really sure when you've ever asked me for help though.... ^_^' But really, please ask anytime because I feel bad about the fact that I probably ask you a whole lot!!!
Why do we care? I don’t know. But there is no denying that we want the feeling of being accepted by everyone around us. It all comes down to rejection; rejection from our parents, our teachers, our friends, our special someone. Once you hear that you can’t do something, join something, or be something because who you are, you change. You change to fit that mold, to be in that inclusive group, to be that certain someone. God forbid we do something alone. We need that social support, those people to give you the boost of self-confidence that you can’t seem to build by yourself. I know I can’t do it. I don’t know myself. I don’t know who I am. And because of that, I feel like I need to find a place in this world where I can find a cozy spot and stay there, unnoticed until I have found who I truly am. Anyone who thinks that they know who they are, who is totally comfortable with how they act, I envy you. Because to be able to back away from the pressures of life and be who you REALLY are is hard, and right now to me, is seemingly impossibly.
If I walked into a different high school tomorrow, not knowing anyone. I might vomit. I would be terrified of what others would think of me. I haven’t reached that point where I don’t care at all of what others think and I don’t care who you are, if you say you don’t care, you are lying to yourself and everyone around you. You do care; you care what others think of you, and what they will say behind your back. But I need to get over it, I know I do. It is the judgmental human nature to give someone the once over, and comment on every aspect of their life. Whether it is out of jealousy or the lack of self-confidence, we all do it. But it really pisses me off that people feel the need to talk about who I am, when they don’t know an ounce about me. I put up a wall, for my own protection. I don’t get close to anyone in fear of rejection. Because once someone finds out who I am, what I hide, that acceptance that I feel I need from everyone will be gone. And it will be me, all alone.
Just this past week, other people’s perceptions have played a major role in my life. I started acting differently because what other people have said about me. And trust me when I say this, it was a big mistake. As Meg Lee said, people have no clue who you really are. Everyone has their own secrets, and deep down inside you know if your secret was told to the world you would be ashamed, embarrassed, and you would want to crawl up into a cave and die. But the only reason you feel that way, is because you are afraid of how other people will react to your secret.
Individuality is something that I may have, but not enough. Because in the back of my mind, I will always care about what others think. And don’t kid yourself, so will you.
Meg Lee- I loved you blog.
“If you can say that there is one person in this world that you know everything about, I would question that. Do you really know their deepest and darkest secrets?”
You brought up a great point about how everyone hides something to be accepted. I just thought that everyone of you points was truly honest. When everyone else is saying that they don’t care, they are just lying to themselves, because you do.
Molly, you said:
"You brought up a great point about how everyone hides something to be accepted. I just thought that everyone of you points was truly honest. When everyone else is saying that they don’t care, they are just lying to themselves, because you do."
For a while I would hide everything only because I didn't want others to think I had any problems, I didn't want them to think I was "weird", I didn't want them to label me, I didn't want to be an outcast, I didn't want to draw attention to myself. But I've gotten over that, something I never thought would be possible. Instead it turned into, what I've always called, "An internal battle between me, myself, and I." So, I don't entirely believe that people hide things just to be accepted by others.I still hide things, only because I don't want to face the truth. If I wanted to, I'd tell everyone and anyone my deepest darkest secrets, I don't mind others "labeling" me as something anymore, because that's gonna happen, no matter what, it's human nature. But as long as I hide things, as long as others don't know and it's not openly announced, then I don't have to believe it's true. That's where the internal battle comes in. I care more about my perception of myself than I do of how others perceive me, so I do anything I can to prevent myself from labeling myself. The purpose of me writing this, is that I know I'm not the only one who faces this problem. That not all people are out to please others, just themselves. And I think accepting yourself for who you are is 57475843 times harder than being accepted by others.
It’s pretty stupid to say we don’t care what people think. Because even if you firmly and stubbornly believe you don’t, you do. However, the degree to which each of us does is totally different from person to person, and varies with the situation.
The driving force in how I live my life I think is my inner pressure. I would like to say I live my life according to my ideals. For the large part, that’s true. But yes, we all are influenced by other people whether we realize it or not. It comes from a basic fear of being labeled as “different” I think. I find myself acting differently to impress girls, and every guy is guilty of that. All girls act differently towards cute guys as well, or even to fit in with their friends (guys do as well). It’s a thing we can’t escape, even though each one of us do it to a different severity.
Now, I’m not here to categorize or anything, but it seems a part of Oakcrest (not limited to) guys and girls act and look the same. They are the girls who I would have the hardest time picking out of a crowd, and the guys who have that same narcissistic swagger.
While these people flaunt their “personalities” and “contributions” to the world, I hear people wooed by their “self-confidence” and “self-esteem.”
That’s a load of bull. These are the people so obsessed with wiping off any trace of fault in their personalities that they all start to blend in like a troop of ants. THESE are the people with low-self esteem, I think, as to go that far to be the same.
I find it strangely ironic that people with the lowest self-esteem are also the most fascinating and most reliable friends. I find this true on a regular basis. These are the people with completely different outlooks on how things work, and personalities that shine in the dull luster of teenage wasteland. Some of my closest friends suffer from a lack of self-confidence. “I’m not pretty enough”, “She’ll never like me”, blah blah blah and blah. When in fact, they offer so much more to the world than they realize.
This leads to me a further point. Why is that our first perceptions are almost always the final ones? I recently got into a discussion with my BFF Meg (hi), regarding how girls label every girl who’s popular with guys a slut. They then outcast these girls, and treat them like they have the plague (or herpes). I find that ridiculous. I have several friends that other people call “sluts” and “losers” and whatever you can think of. And generally speaking, they are the ones that are the most reliable friends. They have the best personalities, and are generally the most fun to hang out with.
Now I’m not telling everyone to be “whores”, “pimps”, “losers”, or “loners”. I want each and every one of you to think of a person you classified before, whether it was by a first glance or by someone’s assistance. Someone you put into a pre-determined mold without taking the time to actually know the person. Take that person and talk to them. Most of you will be surprised with what you find. Sometimes, our perceptions couldn’t’ be any more wrong (that’s grammatically correct right). I’ve always found that the people we avoided talking to are the ones we wished we talked to sooner.
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it,
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is...
I, HATE, SAUERKRAUT!
Not really. But the message here would be another Janiru cliche; be yourself. And props to anyone who figures out that reference I just made.
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Hil “Sexatron” Rosenberg - I couldn’t agree you with more. I think the last one and a half years I secretly wanted acceptance from everyone to the point where I refused to put aside time for myself. I feel like a new man these last several months, mainly because I took time for myself. I think the greatest mystery in my world is my mind. It feels… unique. And before everyone starts giving me a “We’re all unique!” speech, it’s totally different. I’ve been never able to put it into words well, but I believe there’s a greater purpose that we are all missing, something great and exponentially beautiful. I want to find that. People say I’ll be unhappy if I do, but I know I’ll be… content? Whatever, I can’t describe it. Maybe some of you have felt it before. Take the Queen of Sexyland’s advice and go take some time for yourself. Lie on your bed an listen to music (Tiny Music by STP… great album), or go to a remote place and just look at the stars like I did (odd, I know). Take a little bit of time to yourself and shed that concern about what people think of you. It’s the best time you’ll ever spend. Because the truth is, my friends, we’re all beautiful.
George Pilallis - I don’t have to say anything to you. :)
Mol-Mol- I still don’t get the “repeat the first syllable twice” thing, but whatever. I pretty much agree with your whole post. But whatever those people said to you… you’re a hundred times better than that. Think about that ladies and gents. Whatever someone thinks of you, take comfort in knowing that you are always going to be a hundred times better than what they think of you! Because think about it, perception is pretty much feign.
Scatman Scheaffer - Only you, bro. Said like a true gent ;)
Nyge- “High school. It is the phase of our lives where we either find ourselves or lose ourselves. And it can either break us or make us stronger.”
I loved that line. That’s what High School boils down to, I think. I know everyone here’s going to find themselves for the first time (or find themselves all over again), and I wish everyone the best.
And oh yeah,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
:)
"After all, it's just us."
I just find this statement ironic because "us" is the embodying force that drives this week’s blog. Classmates, piers, teammates, rivals, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, not-so-good friends, athletic competitors, scholastic competitors, colleagues, cohorts, allies, foes, buds, bully's, the bullied, and students; all of that is us, just us. Just within our classroom exist that multitude of forces pressuring the individual to act, think, talk, dress, and react in a certain way. To say we are free from "pier-pressure" when it's just "us" is to undermine to potency and ubiquitous nature of the topic we're discussing.
Human beings have an irresistible need to feel comfortable in our surroundings. We see evidence of this in our every day activities; we run identical schedules every day and become aggravated when they change, students sit in the same tables at lunch, we talk to the same group of friends; we sit in the same seats. All of these things are scheduled and imprinted into our lives and it annoys us if they change. Now imagine you're transported into an unfamiliar high school classroom with students you've never seen before, automatically you try to mold to the behaviors of these students and adapt to their personalities in hopes of finding a friend that will bring some familiarity to the classroom. We seek acceptance and admiration from our piers, but there are more ways to go about it than simple conformance.
Another way to gain this acceptance is through competition; athletic, scholastic, or social. Everyone wants to be the hero whether you're scoring the winning goal, acing the jerk teacher’s impossibly hard test or showing off your totally fresh hot off the chain moves at the semi. While this standing out may seem contradictory to the point I already made about fitting in, this type of outlying behavior is acceptable unlike someone standing out by coming to school naked...
So for all those people who say they don't care about what everyone else thinks, I think you need to reevaluate your life. If so many people were go against the grain rebels society could not exist as it does today. There would be fads/trends and the like, terrible shows like the hills and the real life that focus on the drama of the teenage life wouldn't thrive and it would be impossible to stay in business with a store like Abercrombie because no one in their right mind buys a pair of jeans for $80.00 just because of their logo.
My disdain for this lifestyle does not separate me from it though. If I didn't care what people thought of me, you might see me once or twice a week in school and you'd definitely remember it because I’d be naked....I don't like clothes. And there is no way in the world I’d be up before 10:30, 1st period Latin class is not worth the toes I’ve broken stumbling around my room at 5a.m. I know flat out that I live to entertain, or something to that affect. When I compete in sports I don't do it for myself, I do it to be the best and to attain the status that comes with being the best (being the best at Oakcrest, while mediocre, still means something). There are few better feelings to win a race with the roar of the crowd in your ears and know that your own performance motivated them to scream your name.
If we think about it, how much has peer pressure shaped who we've come to be? That's a question I’m almost too afraid to answer. Would I still be able to look myself up and down in the mirror without the shield of societies influence buffering me and still like who I am? That's a question for the individual to answer and I’m sure there are some people who are confident enough to say they're comfortable with their natural selves. I have no conflict with that, but to me it's ok to be caught up within the thralls of society. As peer pressure is a strong enough force to strangle our individuality and curve the rough edges of our being it is also a tool that can be used to improve your performance. It can motivate people to reach greater heights than ever before. If necessity is the mother of invention, then the father is the motivation of fame and reverence.
Ultimately it is up to each and every one of us to decide whether to fight against societies current or let it sweep you away.
"I don't care what anyone else thinks...". I think it’s in the nature of a human to care what other people think, because no matter how hard we try NOT to care, we end up losing that battle with ourselves. I think we say that we don’t care what people think, only because we care what they think. let me explain it; I know when I’ve said that I didn’t care what people thought, I said it to impress whoever I was saying it to because it made me sound mature and carefree. What others think of us is not as nearly as important as we think it is. As a matter of fact, what others think of us is not important at all, but we convince ourselves that it is. Why? I don’t know, I wish I had the answer to that. I’ve tried many times not to care what people think, and I’ve even tried to convince myself that I didn’t care. But that’s just living in denial.
The first time I realized that our actions are determined by other people’s thoughts was in 7th grade. We were having an assembly on the first day of school, and our vice principal, Mr. Johnson said, “We dress to impress others.” Those words brought me to reality about how much we actually do care, and as I looked down at myself, I realized that he was right. I looked down and saw that I was wearing brand names all over, my jeans my expensive sneakers…etc. I think other people’s perceptions determine how we act, and what we do, but not who we are.
I do think, however, that as we get older we care less and less. Like I mentioned, in 7th grade It was all about who wore the best clothes, who listened to what, and who liked which celebrity, etc. all that stuff seemed so important, which only led to a school full of the same type of people. Everybody was dressing, acting, talking the same even though we were completely different people. In high school, everyone thinks about how people will judge you, but not as much. We have spent years with the same people, and have grown to love our friends, and we love each other for who we are. Caring about what other people think of you is not that important anymore. Now, when we get even older, we will care even less. I have a sister who goes to Stockton and she told me that kids in college just don’t care; they show up to school in the same jeans and t-shirt everyday. When we’re adults, we’ll be too busy to care what everyone else thinks. My dad’s a perfect example of someone who could care less about what people think. He goes out dressed in like the same shirt he’s been wearing for like a week, even though my mom keeps buying him new clothes, he only wears 3 shirts over and over again. He acts silly in public, and tries to embarrass me in public, because he knows I care, but he doesn’t. I think it’s something you grow out of as your life gets busier.
I try to care less and less of what people think of me, and I have shown improvement.People don’t determine my actions anymore, I do. They don’t determine my tastes, I do. They don’t determine my style, I do. I always act like myself, and I happen to like myself for who I am, so I’ll be damned if I’m going to change something. The lesson that can come out of this is to be yourself. You hear the expression “be yourself” so many times that it loses its meaning, and they’re nothing but words to you. But it’s really important that we listen to that advice.
Well... I just want to say that if it was possible, i would not really want to respond to this post simply because all day today i was musing over the exact same thing and when I checked today to find that this was the post I got a little more than a little freaked out.
but anyway, i really think that I stopped obsessing what others thought about me a few years ago. What happened was that i went through one of my notorious mental breaks and just stopped caring about what was being said about me personally. All of those who know me even slightly will agree with me when I say that I have been heard more than once saying "I don't care, I have no shame." And it's true, sad to say but it is. My shame has been weeded out of me thanks to years upon years of being forced to live under the gymnastics code (you try acting serious when you're dressed in nothing but skin tight leotards where everyone and their grandma can see your butt and you'll be less than a little shameless too.)
But I am getting extremely off-topic(which i do more than a little often, deal with it.) Yeah, back to being self concious.
I really think that... wait... there's no way anyone can take me seriously right now with all of this rig-a-ma-roll I just uttered. Yeah, this one doesn't count. I'll post something after this to really answer the post.
Yep, i iz r confuzzeledizizzers.
Wow, just like jen p, as I read this blog I was listening to a song that lyric's really speak to this topic. The song is LG FUAD by Motion City Soundtrack. Here are some of the lyrics:
"I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless."
and
"I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept."
This is like a lot of people I know, and sort of like me except with a little more self-esteem. Make that a lot more self esteem. To understand me, you have to understand something. My ego is through the roof. I frequently tell people how amazing I am, to the point where I hear it can get annoying... but you guys still love me, right? RIGHT? I don't know, I read all about teens with major issues with themselves, but I just can't find anything to dislike. I've even wondered if that means there's something wrong with me, like if my extreme self-love makes me a sociopath. But once again, whenever I think things like this, I quickly dismiss it because, hello, I'm Sarah Crane. I recognize that I have some faults (pride, anyone?) but I can't bring myself to dislike them or try to change them. Because, in my egotistic way, I figure that my faults only make me more endearing, perfectly imperfect. Who likes perfection anyway? Like Motion City Soundtrack says, "I'm a mess, I'm a wreck, I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and shortcomings".
No, I have not always been this self-confident (or egotistic if you prefer. I have been stubborn from birth, though. No changing that). Things came to a head freshman year, but it started really in second grade. That was when I learned a shocking truth; some people don't LIKE me. (Idiots. What's not to like? I'm Sarah friggin' Crane.) For some inconceivable reason, this one girl was being just a total ice bitch to me, even though I never talked to her like at all, and I would be nothing but polite (I'm extremely polite to everybody, at least, until you get to know me. Then real Sarah attacks). I couldn't put my finger on why this girl was such an ass, until the truth hit me. I walked up to the girl.
"You don't like me, do you?" I said.
"No." she said calmly.
"Why not?" I demanded. (Because that's just the kind of person I am. When someone doesn't like me, I ask why not. Because, as I have said before, and you will probably hear again, I'M SARAH CRANE.)
She shrugged, as if she too had no idea why she didn't like me. Natural-born enemies I guess. Skanky crack baby. Imagine, not liking Sarah Crane!
I digress.
Anyway, that was the first time I learned that some people just don't like me (may they burn in hell for their sacrilige).
Now, don't get me wrong, I do, in a way, care what others think. I DO want people to like me. But I won't go out of my way to seek approval. My reaction to other's dislike is, and always has been, to hate the hater right back. If you don't like me, I don't like you, and I'll never like you, not until you join the Sarah Crane fan club. Is this the best approach (as opposed to being loving and forgiving)? Probably not, bu it's my approach, and say it with me, I'm Sarah Crane.
I will do things for my friends, and there's nothing wrong with that. For example, "Sarah, will you get me a chickend patty (not real chicken, FYI) while you're in line? I'll pay you back tommarrow." That is easily doable. Loaning others things? No problem. Even some dares I'll do, if they're funny for me, and don't involve physical pain. I will not be taken advantage of though.
Like I said, I wasn't always this way. The first time I ever got a C on my report card (6th grade, Ms. Lazzara, bitch lost my well written book report) I cried hysterically. I think some of my Mullica friends will remember this. I was born self-confident, but as the years went by, the blows to my ego piled up, and Freshman year, they threatened to overwhelm me. I was getting all A's, I had a group of good friends, and I was miserable. School was hard, making new friends was hard, I was too stupid to keep this up, I had too much to do, I was fat, I was completely hopeless at sports. Now, I know none of this is true (except the last one, which is all TOO true... but who likes sports anyway? Sports can kiss my perfectly-sized ass). My friends would tell me how cute I was, how skinny, how smart, but I wouldn't believe them. I never really let anyone in on how I felt, though; I made pretend that I was perfect and happy, but I would cry at night (WOW that sounds so emo... I am not emo! I'm Sarah Crane!) It all piled up on me until, one day, I just sort of broke.
Nothing could have felt better. I stopped worrying about everything so much, and decided that I just didn't care. I didn't just say this to myself, I really meant it. From then on my mission in life was make Sarah Crane happy.
Seeing as how you're AP kids, some of you probably don't know what I'm talking about, but do you have any idea how great it is to look at an F, throw it aside, and go, "La di da, I wonder what will happen on Bones tonight."
Now I don't take high classes to meet someone else's expectations. I do it because it makes me happy (incidentally, this is why I'm in Algebra 2 instead of a high math... I hate math with every fiber of my being).
Now that I focus on making myself happy, I have my great ego (I'm not kidding when I say I really do think I'm the most amazing person ever) and I feel great.
I'm going to go eat toast now. Why? Because I feel like having toast for dinner. And-- all together now-- I'm...
SARAH CRANE.
Bye now.
Anyway, to my REAL post (like that could ever happen, cough cough cough.)
I think we care (well, you care)becaus ethe human creature has a need or desire to be accepted amoung others of its ilk (and no, I'm not usig it because we learned it, I've used that term in my writing before since I spend my time reading scientific journals because i have no social life! Jeeze!) it goes back even to our primitive (or more abtly said 'more primative days' since the species is not nearly as advanced as we would like to believe we are. If you don't understand what I'm saying, ask me and I'll tell you) days when we lived in small packs or groups to ensure our survival as individuals. To explain, think early man, trying to scrape by on the fringes of our existence, alone to fend off the forces of the forest primevil that we sought to be our homes. Alone, they would wither and die, but in a group they could survive and shape the enviroment around them, but these groups were not open to just any individual. There was an unwritten series of guidelines that had to be met, standards that had to be upholded. We, as a species, judged before we could do little else and to survive we had to live up to these judgments. We care because we are still primative, we still have that need to be accepted and to be amoung that group, that pride of the well accepted and the elite. We have changed little since we have left the forest primevil. We are still stuck in the jungle in this, and it's a jungle that few will ever be able to leave.
But we are slowly starting to evolve and survive on our own. Slowly.
But keep in mind that we are still only semi-civilized beasts. WE may never truly leave our roots behind.
Sarah C, I love you with every fiber of my being, even if I did hate your guts with an undying passion when I was little. Oops.
Mathew, I am so proud of my little scholar for avoiding those horrid bitches of temptation. I am just so proud of you and, yes, I love you like a brother so nothing else should really matter.
Jon S... you're a pig and I'll never take back my calling you a twit in that other blog. You deserve it.
Alice... you are too cute. love you!
Anyway, since everyone seems as though to be doing somekind of personal experience on the whole 'judgement' thing, I guess that I should jump on board the band wagon since I don't have anything else to right now. YAYs...
I first realized that people didn't like me when I was... three. I'm amazed that I can even remember that far, but yeah... I was three.
I don't know why I was so very hated (loathed, dispised, looked down upon, etc.) but I think that it had something to do with the fact that I was friggin' adorable when I little. No lie, ask my sister, she wonders what the hell happened to make me so uncute. No lie, look her up and she'll tell you. Do it now!!
Anyway, that illsional bubble that I was well liked never existed for me...yay and stuff. But yeah, i got the full nine yards on the hatred thing, pushing, teasing, punching, even getting my hair pulled out. Aren't kids just oh-so-nice? No wonder I'm so friggin' sarcastic and caustic I could rust through a roof. Whatever.
I became really closed off when I was little, I really hated people, especially kids my own age (sorry Sarah, I love you.) Those who don't believe me, I am a really good actress, I do not lie.
But yeah, from that I really started to not care what people thought about me. If everyone hated me, I figured, what was the point of trying to get them to like me? It was a lossing cause so I just stopped caring.
But that was only about my peers. My parents are another matter.
Students/kids, Idon't care.
Teacher, don't care.
Coaches, don't care (really stopped caring when they stopped caring about me.)
Parents... I care, maybe more tham I should. You must understand that I come from a family of very smart people. VERY SMART people (if you are in my AP HIS class, you know.)
I have a lot of standards to live up to, a lot of things that I have to do. Since I am the last of the children in my family, I have it especially hard. In my family, the younger you are, the more expectations you have placed on you. Everything that John, Charles, and Dorothy have done, I have to be better. How they behaved, I have to be better. How they act, I have o be better. I am the product of all of the years that my parents have spent on the others. I was raised by everyone, so haveto reflect that. All of that. There is no room for failure for me, unlike John, unlike Charles, unlike Dorothy, I have no safety net. If I fall, I fall hard. I have no other option but to be the best in my family. Shame I don't want to be.
My mentality is different, more like everything I have seen than what I was supposed to be seeing.
I am smart, very smart. But I don't want to be. I got to see all of the struggles that my siblings have gone through, and I don't want to do it. I don't want to go through what they have, hence my series of mental breaks.
I have to do it, I have to. Because I don't want to have the relationship with my parents that my eldest brother has. THe hate and rebellion, sometimes it can be toxic. I have to be that perfect child for them since I am the last that they'll ever have.
They aren't as hard on me as they used to be, they know now that I'll break if I'm pushed to hard (my mother saw me go through a break, saw how scared I was, even heard some of the things that I said, my reasons for not wanting to be the best, to be noticed (if bunge goes into anything dealing with trama or the like, maybe you all will get to hear me say one thing or another about my past. It isn't as pretty as most people think.) Things are getting better, but I still have that pressure, all of the stress.
But it's nice to know that the only people I have to please are my parents, not everyone else.
Screw the rest of the world, I no longer care.
We have a saying at my house in the Paluan language (my dad lived there for a few years, go figure) and it si "Sogagah" (Pronounced So-gow-A-gow.) It translates to "It is what it is, no life, no change." I try to live by it, we all do at my house, but it's hard, really hard.
But yeah, I guess that could be called my personal thingy.
LOL, Idc.
RAWRS!
THat was a lot more serious than I thought it would be. Oops, how depressing. (Emo kid, OH NOES!!)
ha ha ha!
This was way harder than I thought it would be….
We care because we want “them” to care. We secretly want people to accept us even if its not the “us” we really are. We were built to adapt to any situation. But sometimes we don’t always make the right decision. We have all fallen into this hole, some way or another, some way more than others, but we have all learned from our mistakes. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think we learn more by making mistakes than getting it right in the first time. We stumble across parts of the track that we hadn’t realized existed before. We appreciate the little things that make the experience beautiful as a whole. Those are the instances that we remember; those are the ones that matter.
Other people’s perceptions of us aren’t as important we make them. As Dr. Seuss said, “Those who don’t care, don’t matter, those who matter, don’t mind.” We should only care about those who matter most to us. Its not that everybody else in the world isn’t important, they are, but if they don’t take the time to listen why should we? Those who do care about us don’t mind our ways no matter how annoying they may be. We care for our own reasons. Some of us do it for our own selfish “needs”. – i.e. popularity-- People want to be the social butterfly. It’s as if it is encoded in their DNA. They want to flawlessly go from group to another, making conversations and gossiping like there is no tomorrow. It’s sad to see them go but they will all succeed in the end. And yet, amazingly there are still souls out there that truly believe that there is some good in everybody and they can’t help but to care. –tear-
Expectations! Expectations! Expectations! We have them every day of our lives. They are different for everybody. Winning the “big” football game against Absegami, being named Section Leader in band, getting at least a B in Ms. Bunje’s AP English Language class, are classic examples. We all want to succeed. We don’t want to disappoint. We the humans are the “top dogs” of the universe. After conquering the world we want to go above and beyond with our many talents we can do with our opposable thumbs. Living has become a fulsome competition. For example, sports. They are all getting punched, kicked, or getting pummeled to the ground for a ball that probably costs less than five dollars to make. That says it all.
Valete!
Leonor <3
"I don't care what anyone else thinks." HaHaHa Ahahahahahaha!!!! Yeah, right. That's probably one of the boldest statements any person can ever say. And every time they do, it makes them sound.....well it doesnt make the sound very good at all. The problem is that we all care about what others think of us. We've been taught to look good infront of others since we've been born. Hasn't your mom ever told you not to pick your nose? She didn't do it cause she taught you were gonna poke your brain and become the modern version of Homer Jay Simpson. No, she wanted you not to look different from the rest of the pack of kids. Think back to those old old old "picture day" days. I know you most certainly didn't get up in the morning, put on a mini suit and walked into that door looking like a million and one bucks. Your mom woke you up, got you dressed you up, put you on the bus, and kissed you goodbye. Why? so you look like the cutest little baby boy/girl when you take your picture. Since we tend to learn most of the important skills and techniques when we are young, we generally take that information, and we re-use it till the day we "kick the bucket." Of course by our age, however much we care about how we look or sound infront of others is all based on personal preferences. I would devide these groups as "People who practically sell themselves every day," "People that just want to look decent and either attract or please friends," and "and people who are have immence amounts of confidence in themselves, and don't need perks like fashion to get in the way of personal life." I too am a strong listener of music. So here is a song for each type of person.
#1- Rockstar by Nickelback
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My star own on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(so how you gonna do it)
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
#2 - Numb by Linkin Park
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
#3 - Fat Lip by Sum41
I don't wanna waste my time
Become another casualty of society
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down....
Some of these are probably a little "ehh" towards compatibility, but hey, I love my Connotation. At the very least, you get a taste of my mp3 library. Back on topic, each kind of person is always going to feel pressure to change, and many of us will. That, for the most part, is what high school is all about. This is the time when we leave our ideas behind, and re-learn everything all over again. Plus, with a building of more than 1500 kids, you are all bound to change your beliefs, morals, and ideas. I know I have, I change a lot, and with every year is seems more evident(At least to me).
Another point I would like to make is that having all of these different ideas is how we make friends. Think about it, do any of you have friends who are all the same? Most likely not. Why? because you yourself constantly change and attract different kinds of people. Lets take me for example again. First, right of the back, I have many friends, ranging from happy to el seriouso. Anyone who knows me from those old days of Mullica can probably say that I was just a happy, happy, and way to gosh darn happy kid. I made a lot of friends somewhat like me, but also the serious bunch. I needed people who I could bombard with this endless supply of happiness. Now im becoming the opposite. Unless Im already surrounded by friends, you are going to see my scowl and frown. Im just not a overlly happy kid anymore. This way, Ive also attracted many friends that are happy, and can cheer me up or give that extra boost that I need to get through the painfully long day of school. This is why I believe we will constantly change and constantly adapt and constantly advance. For anyone who was kind enough to read this long answer, im interested. What kind of person are you? How have you grown through the years and how have you changed?
First of all...
I <3 Vickstar. You are the sweetest. And, if you remember, I was already the Cowardly Lion frosh year. And it was ALL my hair that I used for the mane. :):)
And Jani... Seriously, we are crazily similar. I was going to write an occasional paper (I think I still am) on this subject sort of, but I must admit to something. I sit on my roof and listen to Razor by the Foo Fighters or Change by Blind Melon on repeat and gaze at the stars. I focus solely on my surroundings... noticing how the moonlight creates different shadows, or smell the sweet night air. That sounds crazy, but it is the most relaxing feeling in the world. We are so meant to be.
P.S. You are sexier.
“I don't care what anyone else thinks..."
It’s true. I don’t. I am my own person. I don’t care about anyone else. Who’s cares?!
-BAHAHAHA…I wonder just how pissed people just got when they read that! =) Just kidding by the way.
So ok. I probably say that phrase quite of few times. I think I usually only say it when I am in the act of doing something crazy right at the moment, and I am just so super hyped about it that I really don’t care! I just want to go and be CRAZY. That is probably the only time I say that, because at the time I believe it’s true. I think I would keep on believing it too, until someone ALWAYS bursts my bubble. Like Monday for example. It was 80’s day, and like you all know, I dressed up in my super slick outfit. I loved it, and was proud of it, because it was totally cool, and if not for my parents, I think I’d dress more like that every day. (I realize I could anyways, but it’s too hard to change at school EVERYDAY.) So, as I’m walking down the hall to class, strutting my stuff, I come up to one of my friends who was lacking school spirit. (No 80’s outfit.) The first thing she says, “I can’t believe you actually dressed up. You are like the only one!” I know she and the others throughout the day, who commented my outfit like this, didn’t mean anything by it, but it definitely changed my outlook for the rest of the day. I became totally aware when people looked at me, even if I just stared right back at them. I became self-conscious. I forgot all about my pride in my outfit, and just lost focus on why I was wearing it and what it represented. THEY were the ones who should be stared down because THEY are the ones who have no school spirit. Pfft, whaaat EV, I’m over it losers. (Ms. Bunje, my only casual writing! =P)
Now, of course I am self-conscious. My nose would have grown tremendously if I said I wasn’t. I think I’m a bit more self-conscious than others due to the fact of being oppressed. As, we talked about in class Friday, my parents obviously, greatly, oppress me. No skirts. No shorts. No tang tops. No tight clothes. No ankle bracelets. NO BOYFRIENDS OR BOY FRIENDS. No blah blah blah blah blah. This list continues into forever. Now, if I had grown up without these nonsense rules and regulations, then I think I would turn out to be just like everyone else. However, I consider myself as different. Every time I see some girl in a skirt, and short shorts, I automatically think, slut. Slut? Of course they aren’t! However, my instinct tells me to think this way because this is what my parents have pounded endlessly into my head. “You don’t dress like American girls. They parents crazy. They let them wear small, tight things. You better not wear like that.” That’s the main thing they say to me all the time. Not to my sister, because she is the epitome of the perfect Asian daughter. (At least, in front of them.) I, on the other hand, cannot withhold my opinions and my unique style. Which labels me as the “dangerous one”, as in, I am a danger to their good name and to my future as a respectable young lady. Thus, every time I come downstairs in a so-called “provocative” outfit, I am sent DIRECTLY TO JAIL. (AKA, back to my room.) After I quickly stuff my not provocative outfit in my book bag, and put on baggy nonsense, I go back downstairs to get yelled at before jetting out of the house. “Be careful. You want to look like American girl? HUH?! Fine. (FYI: I’m am saying nothing during his speech, and am zoning out.) You can go quit school. Work on the streets, and be a hooker. Then boys look at you all the time.” Ugh. This is how come, whenever I see half the girls in our school, I automatically think, BAD. This is also the reason that when I get dressed in the morning, I look at certain clothing and think: too provocative, I don’t want anyone to think I am not respectable and dishonor my parents. Speaking of boys, friendly or romantically, they are non-existent to my parents, and either is having a friendship with one. (Except Janiru, because he’s my best friend, and I seriously cannot keep that from them. Plus, they only like him because he’s Asian. So, he does NOT count.) I think this will be my occasional paper because the topic is just too huge, thus, I shall not divulge into it too much. So, the thing is, whenever a make a guy friend, and we become friends too fast or something, I automatically think, oh man, they are probably rapists. No lie. Like, my parents have pounded some much bull into my head, that anytime a guy even touches me, I am so totally aware, even if I don’t say it. Pretty lame, but its true. These oppressions have taken a toll on me, and have made me so self-aware that it is ridiculous and a nuisance. People care what others think for many reasons, and parental oppression just adds to the list. We care what others think because our parents make it so. They set these thoughts in our heads so that we sub-consciously DO care what others think. It is really hard, at least for me, to do otherwise.
So others perception of me, I don’t really know. Some think I’m not street smart, which technically I’m not, but I know enough to get by. Some think I’m Asian, and that’s the reason behind everything I do. This is true for some things, but not all. Others think I am weird, and say weird things. I do, partly because it is exactly what’s on my mind, and partly because they expect it of me. Like, I have always been random and say random stuff, but now people are so used to me acting this way, that they can’t see me as myself truly, and only see my hyper, queird side. (not a word, except in my own dictionary. queer + weird = queird. I love it.) But, in truth, I don’t always act like this, it is just the part of my personality that stands out the most to them, and they forget about everything else. So basically, I do act queird at times, but I act different at other times too. So it’s a more like a half-blinded perception, where people only see what they want to. Thus, I don’t really act the way people expect, they just see the part they expect. Does that make sense?
Anyways, I leave you with lyrics from a song I am obsessed about at the moment, and which I am listening to as I write this blog by my lover Kelly Clarkson. It also has nothing to do with this blog, except the first two or three lines, maybe. Then the rest is just my life. HA.
‘I got a new life.
You would hardly recognize me.
I’m so glad.
How could a person like me care for you?
Why do I bother, when you’re not the one for me?
Is enough enough?
I saw the sign
and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sugn
nothing’s going drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?’
omgosh. mistake. the songs by ace of base. i was going to write a k.c. song but then didn't. myyyy bad!
I feel like a failure. Everyone’s is like 100 times better than mine. On to the comments…
Janiru—I loved your blog this week.
Especially this part : Now, I’m not here to categorize or anything, but it seems a part of Oakcrest (not limited to) guys and girls act and look the same. They are the girls who I would have the hardest time picking out of a crowd, and the guys who have that same narcissistic swagger.
Lots of people are conformists another word for not having a personality. I really would like to slap those people. –this doesn’t count as a threat right?-
And this part: I find it strangely ironic that people with the lowest self-esteem are also the most fascinating and most reliable friends. I find this true on a regular basis. These are the people with completely different outlooks on how things work, and personalities that shine in the dull luster of teenage wasteland. Some of my closest friends suffer from a lack of self-confidence. “I’m not pretty enough”, “She’ll never like me”, blah blah blah and blah. When in fact, they offer so much more to the world than they realize.
Some of my closest friends are “weird” to most but they are most creative shy people I’ve ever met in my life. =)
to Meg Song:
“You don’t dress like American girls. They parents crazy. They let them wear small, tight things. You better not wear like that.”
LOL. i started laughing when I read that. that's hilarious.haha
but I can relate to the whole parents being strict, because my parents,like yours are not American, and they're really strict too. I used to get so mad at them for being so strict and never letting me do things that I wanted, but now I'm actually glad that they raised me the way they did, because I would've been a completely different person if they hadn't been so strict.
and by the way, LOTS of people dressed up for 80's day, I don't know what your friends were talking about
In responce to Sarah C.
First of all, let me start out by saying..."DAMN." Forget about our conversation in gym class. Forget the gym, three giant blimps can't hold all that ego. If you can only harness it and turn into something else, you would make quite a name for yourself.
Next...
"My friends would tell me how cute I was, how skinny, how smart, but I wouldn't believe them. I never really let anyone in on how I felt, though; I made pretend that I was perfect and happy, but I would cry at night "
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW, you wanna talk about it? I think I have a song we can listen to, well actually about 175 of them. XD. That sure was a..."touching" way of wrapping up your comment.
"I'm going to go eat toast now."
All hail randomness!!!!!!!
tamari - hey girll! i miss you in my class with her heels and pillows! btw, you still owe me one! But yeah, im thankful for some things, but others, i could do without. And i know, these people are crazy and unspirited. They don't matter. =P
To clear things up Eminem retired and just produces with Shady LP. In case anyone cared.
Hilary, I'm sorry to "bust your bubble", but I've already claimed Lucy, or Janiru as you may know him, as my husband, when I'm 35. You can have him until then, but we are soul mates. But I think it's kind of strange how I, too, sit on my roof listening to music all night.. But my taste in music is probably far from yours. I just think music is the greatest drug in the world, and can cure anything, and set your mind completely at ease. I like the meaning and sense of enlightenment of it, and of course the rhythm. Who couldn't love the beatles, smashing pumpkins, pearl jam, foreigner, i think you catch my drift. But my friends make fun of me because I love reggae. I LOVE reggae. I don't care how "retarded" it may sound to others, I think it sounds beautiful, and if they played Peter Tosh, Bunny Wailer, UB40, or some Ziggy on the radio, EVERYONE would love them. Only because if it's on the radio, it's popular, so people have to listen to them to be accepted in society. (yeah, i had to connect this post to the actual blog somehow..)
it's a good thing Eminem retired, cause he was the worst person on the radio
...ever
Honestly, time after time I have said “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” They are the ultimate fighting words when it comes to battling one’s self confidence. I know for a fact I say this phrase at least twice a week. They make me feel like I have a handle on the situation, no matter the situation. I happen to say it enough that I honestly do believe that I have everything under control and that it’s true. For a while I talked myself into believing that not caring was the answer to everything and it would all fall into place. Now looking back I realize I did everything for a reason. In trying to not care and be more concerned about what was going on with me I was trying to fit in somewhere that I thought I belonged. Everyone seemed to have it all together and all I wanted was to fit in. I know that I love to think about the overall outcome of every situation. I have a flair for thinking about ten steps forward and two steps backwards. As an AP student I have learned to love that ability, and use it frequently. I use it to figure my way out of my favorite thing ever, parental pressure. I hate parental pressure, but it really is the reason I am writing this blog today as an AP langer. My parents are always effectively pushing me into whatever they feel is best for me. That pressure can be amazing or amazingly bone crushing. I am always worried about where I fit in. Day after day I try to find out where my place is. High school is this up and down rollercoaster of fitting in, and falling out. Finding out where I fit in basically depends on what other people think. I’m always afraid of saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing. It makes me hesitant. Honestly, I hate being hesitant, but it’s a disease. When you care what everyone things you lose yourself, and not to the music as Eminem once said.
Why do we care what others think? We care because what other people think affects us. Honestly, people think certain things about us. When they do think these things it effects how they interact with you. The people in Shooting an Elephant reacted exciting and liked him because he was doing something that they wanted. For example, I want to stay friends with the people I’m friends with, so I take the AP courses and play the sports I play. I want to see my friends so I play softball. My heart isn’t even really in the game anymore, but I give it my all because those girls on that team are in a word: spectacular. I know if I didn’t have that bonding time with them, I probably wouldn’t be as super close to them as I get. People’s actions and words influence us every day, every action we make. It does matter, it shouldn’t but it does. I don’t think that those influences are always bad, but I know that they are there. Life likes to throw us curves and others opinions are one of those curves. I know if someone said that I should be less outspoken I would really take it to heart. I wouldn’t exactly stop being myself, but every time I talked the thought would linger in my head that I might be saying something to loud or talking too much. My mother always tells me I’m way too loud. She says it basically every day. It really makes me think every single time I talk am I saying the wrong thing, or is my voice an octave too high? It makes me so self conscience. Its pressure to be this person that I’m supposes to be. I finally realized that I can be whoever I want to be, and that’s perfectly fine with me. I love being myself, loud mouth and all. Everyone else should learn to accept that. That makes me feel better and worse. I hate pressure, yet do well under it. I’m a girl with mixed emotions on this subject, because I don’t think we should care, yet I know we care all the time. We care because we all want to find our place in this world, and it unfortunately matters what other people think. In a perfect world nothing would matter, and we wouldn’t be sucked into this never ending debate over fitting in and being you. What I found works is loving myself and just going with the flow. It took me a while to get to this exact moment in time, because I do care but I care for all the right reasons. This all has been bottling up for a while, so very sorry for the rambling. Really up until about an hour ago I couldn’t see the difference from caring about what others think and being yourself, yet now I see its almost one in the same. Sometimes in being who you are you tend to care about the opinions around you.
Nygeee: "I still find the need for acceptance even by the people that have hurt me in the past. I feel that I’m willing to forgive people for their mistakes in return for their acceptance. "
- I got you, girl. I know EXACTLY how you feel. hahah, from our conversation yesterday, i know what you mean, and i totally feel for you. I find that i do that a lot too. I think it all has to do with confidence, and if you have the confidenct o stand up to those types of people. I still need too, but i'm working on that. =)
"but I constantly feel like my actions are dictated to fit that role. And if I ever stray away from that, it’s so shocking, surprising, or even disappointing."
Again, i get what you are saying, and it is so true. If i even do something that others don't expect of me, then they just say, wow, no, don't ever do that again. If it was someone else, saying the same exact thing, it would have a different respose.
Meg Song! So when I read your blog I knew I was the friend that said that to you. I am so sorry. And I know I already texted you, but I feel really bad. But that comment made me realize how I act, and you are a great friend of mine. I would do anything for you.(I think we saw some of that this summer!) Again, I am so sorry. You did look amazing. And that was my "I wish I spirt-ness" coming out. Love you.
Really tamari?!!?! Eminem was a lyrical genius who took issues at the time by the throat. Yeah he was really vulgar and violent sometimes, but he also had to appeal to the people to sell albums. And i dunno if you've noticed but the people are really vulgar and violent.
Like i texted back mol, its totally fine, and it wasn't really you. You were just the first, so i didnt really think about it when i wrote it! Just, like by the end of the day, everyone's put together was annoying. But, its fine, and i love you too! (Oh yeah, and ahaha, thanks for this summer. It was...interestingly hilarious/arkward!!! ahaaha) <3
jordan/tamari = i agree with jordan. love eminem's music <3
I come from a (relatively) large family, having 2 older sisters and a little brother. I'm somewhat stuck in the middle. The third girl. I think that that has had a huge influence on who I have become today. I spent a lot of time trying to please people when I was growing up. I felt like I had to do everything possible to get noticed. I always got straight A’s, student of the month right off the bat in September, and made my bed every single day. I was a pretty perfect little kid. Anyone who knew me when I was younger can agree. I didn’t do anything wrong, and I took no chances. I strived to be the best I could be. Isn’t that what everyone wanted?
About half way through freshman year I changed a lot. Mike Galli asked me out in December. Which, back then, was a big deal. I had never even kissed a boy, let alone had a boyfriend. It was a huge shock, and I had no idea what to do. I debated a lot. Went back and forth, thought things through, asked anyone and everyone. Nearly everybody told me “don’t do it.” However, I am the kind of person who gives everyone a chance, the kind of person who doesn’t judge until I have reason to. It’s just one of those things I try really hard to stick to. Anyway, I said yes. Because something within me just decided it was time to take a chance. Mike was really sweet to me- he carried my book bag in the hallway, called me at night, and gave me flowers and a balloon on my birthday. He didn’t seem like the monster everyone made him out to be. At the time, I didn’t realize that this decision would change my life in so many ways. Not only did it teach me to not care what other people thought, but it proved to me that my happiness is so much more important then anyone else’s opinions. Mike makes me happy. And that’s all I care about. People judge me every day, still, after almost two years of dating him. But that’s life, that’s something you can’t escape. I’ve learned to get over it. I’ve learned that what other people think doesn’t always matter. Nobody knows him the way I do, nobody understands him the way I do, and nobody has learned from him the way that I have. That decision, that one simple word “yes,” has given me a whole new outlook on life. I’ve become more of a risk taker, less of a perfectionist, and I’ve learned how to enjoy life, not just live it. I’m so over people, and I could care less if they want to judge me. After all, “People that mind don’t matter and people that matter don’t mind.”
I’ve definitely changed in high school, and for the longest time, I feared that my changes had been for the worse. Only recently, through a heart-to-heart with Jordan, did I realize that I’ve changed for the better. So what if I’m not a goody-too-shoes, let-me-do-everything-perfectly kind of kid anymore. So what? I feel more and more comfortable with who I am with every day that goes by. That counts for so much more to me. Sure, I still worry that my hair is a mess, or that my clothes don’t match. Yeah, I do get paranoid that I said the wrong thing, or that I waved to the wrong person. But I blame this on human nature. It’s so natural to worry, to think about how other people view you, but that doesn’t mean that deep down, you CARE what they think about you. When I lay in bed at night, that’s the last thing on my mind. I’ve developed a “so what” kind of outlook when it comes to my appearance, or my actions. They are what they are. Now, I only dress nice to please myself, to give me that extra boost of confidence. Now, when I make a decision I try to think of myself and what affects it will have on me.
I think we all care so much about other people because that’s what we’ve been taught. That’s all that we know. From the day we were born we’ve been surrounded with it. Many of us were probably even given our names for the very reason that other people would like them, or so that we would fit it. We are all guilty of letting other people’s perceptions affect our lives. Every single person on this planet has made a decision, at least once in their life, just because of other people. But we really cannot let this happen. When it comes to the important things in life, whatever they may be, we cannot let other people dictate how we act and what we do. If you want to let other people’s opinions influence the clothes you buy, or the sneakers you wear, then that’s fine. Because in the long run, does it really matter if you wore the popular Nike’s everyone had or if you went for the Sketcher’s that you really liked? I don’t think so. However, when it comes to the important stuff, like how you treat that freshmen that just ran into you in the hallway, or how you help a friend that’s having a bad day, that’s when you need to forget other people’s opinions and do the right thing. There is a time when it’s okay to care what other people think, but there’s also a time to be yourself. The true winners in this world are the people that don’t care, ever, no matter what.
I’m going to end with some wise words from my future husband, Gavin DeGraw:
“I’m tired of lookin round rooms wonderin what I gotta do or who I’m supposed to be. I don’t wanna be anything other than me.”
"High school is this up and down rollercoaster of fitting in, and falling out. Finding out where I fit in basically depends on what other people think."
-Lindsey Craig
Wow. What an amazing quote. It's so true, I think you really hit the nail on the head. High school is all about fitting in, which is a huge reason why I don't like it. Regardless, I think that you're so right. Fitting in and falling out. Every day is different, you never know what to expect. And other people's opinions do dictate a lot about the kind of day you have. I hate that. But it's our life right now, it's the reality that we all have to deal with. Your blog was very personal and insightful and it brought up a lot of points that I wholeheartedly agree with. Life's hard right now, on top of trying to discover ourselves, we have to deal with other people's perceptions. That is no easy feat.
Why do we care? Why give up our individuality to conform to groups who may not even be following the right path? I personally believe it is nature’s way to prevent sentient creatures from tearing themselves apart. Yet, why do we humans still follow it? Aren’t we beyond that? Aren’t we individuals?
I’ll begin with a small message. To those who allow what others think rule just about everything you do: Grow a spine, you tools. To those who think you’re special by ignoring everything people say: You aren’t. If you have to reassure yourself, you do care. If you look back at your actions in society, you do care. It doesn’t matter what words you use to hide that fact. Your words will be as empty as your soul.
Now, now, in reality, a good number normal people (for some reason I can’t get myself to say “most”), whether or not they actually notice, follow the middle line. They weigh the benefits, whether it is psychological, or physical before choosing which path they take. When something they view as harmful, compared to possible gains, they won’t follow through. These “gains” could range from fun to acceptance to money to fame to friendship. Just look at “Shooting an Elephant”. No matter what it looks like, he had only one logical choice. Had he not killed the elephant, he would have lost his ability to keep order. He would be viewed as a worthless fool by the people. He knew “what” he had to do, and he, with common sense, thought out “why”. In real life, it could apply to situations such as: Ignoring people who try to get a unsavory reaction from a person in order to follow one’s morals*, or foiling a class’s plan for delaying the due date for an assignment because it was funny**. Not completely sure if the second example counts as a good reason.
What about me, then? I do care about what others think of me. That, strangely enough, is due to the fact that I’m a hopeless idealist. My choices depend more on what I perceive as the correct thing to do than the opinions of others. Yet, if I go too far, and was to make a complete fool of myself, on multiple occasions, nobody would listen to what I would have to say. It is less about acceptance, and more about actually getting something done. The same could be said of the very people who I’ve based this idea upon. Those great civil rights leaders were able to take action without making themselves out to be an insane bunch of idiots. Yes quite, the people only thought of them as the first half of that description.
Before I make myself seem more pretentious, I’ll just finish this up. The best way to live is to just think about those choices you make. I don’t care what a person’s ideals or opinions are. It should be common sense to use reason before choosing whether or not to follow. Use logic. Don’t go digging through the couch for the remote when you can go up to the television and change the channel first. Man…what a strange little analogy. I really need to listen to the literal meaning, though.
*Good show, Matt W. The thing is, a lot of people do things like that to get a reaction. Well, it’s good that you kept your cool, as the whole point was to get you to say something out of character. This seems to happen especially much to a people who seem apathetic, wouldn’t react like most people, or named Ivan Ding. Sadly, all of those applied to me. Though, as always, the last one is questionable. Wait. What?
Note to self: find new running gag.
That said. The situation could have been solved in a better manner. It would have been a bit simpler had you not spent your time picking your mouth up from the floor. Had you simply said “No, go away” the moment she asked, it would’ve been everyone else with their mouths a gap. Of course, that thought process may be due to the fact that I’ve become used to those situations. No matter, you chose the next best thing.
**It was worth it.
It wouldn’t have worked anyways. That wasn’t exactly the most well thought out plan.
Alright, back home from that ridiculous soccer game in the middle of the day.
And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you"
I'm listening to Simon and Garfunkel, so I figured I'd quote the song. Ok, I decided a full-on Beat poem could be ridiculous, so I'll just try and echo a bit of that sort of style. Sadly, this is by no means even close to true Beat poetry. Probably won't even be straight stream-of-thought, since I'll still need to answer the questions. Fear not, for I will try. Just don't get your hopes up.
"Be yourself"
People cry out false advice in a madness unseen but heard with ferocity. Duck behind the stone wall and take cover. On the other side, you hear the whispers. "What a freak." "Did you see what that guy was wearing?!"
Be not deaf to these harmful words. Akin to the sponge on a mop, soak it in through your pores. Let it saturate your body, then just squeeze it all out into the bucket. The floor is still wet, but it will dry in time.
Ok, I give up, it's impossible to answer questions when you're talking in metaphors.
We are naught but simple human beings. Within our petty minds lie many "irrational beliefs" which fuel our many thoughts and actions. Things like "I need to fit in to be happy" or "I need to be liked" lead to depression and even suicide. This is because the thoughts are irrational. You're not going to be liked by everyone, and there will be tons of times where you won't fit in. Still, people try to satisfy their irrational desires. They conform.
I have lived my life trying my best to be different. I fight the norms. Look in the minority and you'll find me. Basically, everything I do is fueled by others' interpretations of me, but in a different way than most. I want them to see me as unique. I don't want to be seen as cool, or "cute," or stylish. I want people to look at me and think "Damn! That kid sure is different."
Everything people do, I do the opposite, just like a mirror. Remember that a mirror changes with each person in front of it. Granted, there are sitiuations where I am forced to conform, work being the biggest one. Soccer doesn't count since I wear my shorts shorter than any kid on the team. I also think that my desire to be different is also behind the fact that I am going nowhere fast, a lost cause. I see other people caring about life, so I stop giving a damn. I see other people hanging on to those last seconds before death (I've seen people die, it's.....not too pretty). When I was eight years old, I wanted to live to be about 40.
When I was twelve, that number dropped to about 32. Now, at sixteen, I only expect to live until 25. After that I just don't care. I just really don't think I can make it any further. After all, I am a quitter. It's only natural that I quit life, too. Just a matter of time until I give up all hope and wait for death to take me.
I figure it'll go something like this. In college, I'm going to gain a ton of weight, and I won't get any girls/friends. This will lead to an intense state of depression, which will somehow culminate in my death. Now, don't you dare call me suicidal. Suicide is for wimps. I will not commit the dirty deed. That's something I leave to fate. I just know that somehow, someway, I'm going to die.
Moving back to the questions, others' perceptions are important to people because of a lack of safety. Not so much a lack of self esteem, but a lack of certainty. They want security and they think they need to fit in to find happiness. So they conform.
Ok real quick I have a confession that I have to get out. I think I'm starting to drift from my "best friends." It's fucking terrible, that's why I'll never admit it to them, and I'm gonna keep on pretending to be cool with them. But the truth is, I'm having trouble finding people that I can even talk to anymore. But I think Brendan Armstrong possesses a good mind that perhaps can end this drought of intellectual conversation, but I'll have to wait and see. Not gonna dive into something like that.
Umm.....I think that's it. I would've posted this about two hours ago if it wasn't for trying to talk to Becca and type at the same time.
"I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain."
Ok, sorry for the triple post, but Devon quoted DOCTOR SUESS!!!!
YESS!!! Once again proving Doctor Suess to be the greatest writer ever.
Just to be clear....
Favorites
Poet = Ginsburg
Writer = Suess
Scientist = Freud
Band = Foreigner
"When I was eight years old, I wanted to live to be about 40.
When I was twelve, that number dropped to about 32. Now, at sixteen, I only expect to live until 25. After that I just don't care. I just really don't think I can make it any further. After all, I am a quitter. It's only natural that I quit life, too. Just a matter of time until I give up all hope and wait for death to take me."
-Jon S.
JON! This has to be the most depressing thing I have read in a very long time. Seriously kid, why do you feel this way? You have so much talent, so much to offer the world. How dare you think so negatively. You're one of the smartest people I know, and I've always admired you for being unique and for being yourself. I can't believe that you think of life this way. What a crappy outlook. I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult you, but if this is truly how you feel then SNAP OUT OF IT! You shouldn't wait for death to take you, you should go out there and live life the best that you can! Because aren't most people in this world just sitting around waiting? I mean honestly. And you even said yourself that you do the opposite of everyone else. So doesn't that mean that you should go out there and LIVE? Jon, you just made me very sad. :(
Sergei! Love the songs you picked (especially Numb since it's been a favorite from a long time ago)!
Oh, and you are not random at all. I mean, sure you're a bit discursive sometimes, but hey! That makes you Sergei! And I love the way you ended your response to Sarah.
Quote-
"I'm going to go eat toast now."
All hail randomness!!!!!!! -Unquote
ALL HAIL SERGEI, THE GREAT RANDOM HAPPINESS GIVER!!!
Firstly, what happened to Eminem: As far as I know, he had little children and got old (not really old, just too old to really appeal to the teens of the next generation). Just so you know.
Secondly, we care because we're selfish. Having a good image, keeping everyone around you happy, those are things that make your life easier and more enjoyable, and since we, in general, like our lives being easy and enjoyable, most of us aim to please to some degree.
Now, as for caring. Personally, I divvy the people in my life up into 3 groups: people I don't really know, people who are close to me, and myself. Obviously such general categories leave lots of grey area, but for this question, it will suffice. We'll start with people I don't really know. For instance: most of the people in this class. Not that I haven't been in classes with you guys for years, not that I don't know all of your names, and probably something about you, but honestly, I don't really know most of you. Which is why I can be so frank on these blogs. Honestly, if I don't know you personally, I'll tell you almost anything, because I don't care what you think of it, or me, or what I think or how I feel. I have no problem telling strangers a majority of my secrets because of this lack of caring.
Now on to people who are close to me. I tell them very little in comparison, honestly. I care very deeply about my friends' (and family, kinda) opinion of me, and won't tell them anything I think they'll disapprove of. (Not that that keeps me from doing those things, mostly. I just don't tell people about them.) I'm, in general, very cautious about what information i disclose. It's almost like having a police siren in my head. I can read on faces, in body language, and between the lines when people i know speak, and the moment I think I've given something away that i shouldn't have, that red light starts flashing and doesn't stop until I cover for my slip up. This results in fairly good relationships with all of my close friends, and makes dealing with my parents 10x easier than it would be if I didn't constantly, unwaveringly use this system of caring about what people think.
Lastly, myself. I feel like it's hard to measure how much my approval matters. I don't have very much willpower: if I want to do something, generally, I do it. Like cake. If I want to eat that piece of cake, even my brain, while screaming in protest that I really do not need a piece of chocolate cake, will not be able to stop me from eating it. Even as my brain disapproves, I subconsciously decide I don't care what my brain thinks and eat it anyway. So I guess you could say I don't tend to care about what I think either.
I'm not saying any of these methods are good: in fact, some of them are quite hurtful to my well being. But they're insight to how another mindset works, which is really most of what we can hope to get out of these blogs.
Personally, I don’t quite like this question. I feel that everyone reacts to peer, parental, or self-imposed pressure at one time or another. If you do not agree, we frankly, I think you’re lying to yourself. Even people who claim originality are acting a certain way to influence the way people perceive them.
I’m not going to lie, I was like this a very short while ago. During the summer of my freshman year here at the Oak, I went away to a camp. I was nervous about meeting new people and making friends. When I got there, I started talking to this girl Amber (who is now my best friend). I tried my hardest to say all the “right” things to either impress her or become friends with her. A short while later, I met this girl named Alicia. Alicia was “the head of the camp”. She “knew everyone”. I tried my hardest to do the “right things”, yet again. Alicia and I became best friends, pushing me to the “top status” at camp. After camp Alicia and I were still best friends and I conformed to someone who shopped at Hollister and would only wear expensive clothing. That summer, at Alicia’s birthday party, I met her other best friend named Melissa. Melissa and I sat in a corner talking for a long time and I was completely genuine with her. We hit it off from there on. Sure Alicia and I were “best friends”, but Melissa and I had a true friendship. Over the summer of my sophomore year, I made a complete change from what I was. Melissa, although a fading friend, had taught me to be genuine- because despite the people that didn’t like that side of me, there were more “worth it” people who did. Now I have made real friends at my camps and I am no longer being “strung along” a path with Alicia. I am much happier with being myself than acting how others are expecting me to.
That’s just it. I don’t really think that people can help when they act in accordance with the expectations of others. You either do it because sub-consciously, you want to be accepted or because you don’t want to let anyone down. It is difficult to overcome because we still have the influence of so many people bearing down on us…our parents, friends, teachers...and so on. If we just do what we honestly think in our heart of hearts is right, though, we cannot go wrong. When you come to this realization, either now or five years from now, you’ll look back and laugh. However, don’t laugh too hard, it’s a mistake that everyone makes and it’s only a learning experience.
(Comment on fiona)
Fiona is definitely right about the whole “selfish thing”. I completely agree with telling information to strangers, but less detail to those you know personally. For this reason, I feel that I “know” the people in this class, but I honestly don’t see them as people who I can’t disclose information in. I don’t really care what the public opinion of me is-in Oakcrest High School=that is…
Myra, luckily you joined the Sarah Crane Fan Club before it was too late.
And how can you not love me? I'm Sarah... well you know how it goes by now.
Oh, and for the nonbelievers, here's an example of just how far my ego goes: At lunch this year, I sat with two friends that I knew, but the rest of the people were new to me. So, I made a joke (it was probably really corny... but that's how I roll) and I was the only one that laughed at it. Still laughing hysterically at my own wit, I turned to my fellow lunchmates (I didn't even know their names yet)and said, "Why aren't you guys laughing? That was hilarious!" I recieved mostly blank, confused stares, and my friend Sam turned to them and said, "don't mind her, she's a little..." she made the universal sign for le bOnKeRs. I ignored her, and when I cracked another joke (live and die by the wisecrack) I turned to the girls I didn't know and said, "this is the part where you laugh."
To my infinite surprise and pleasure, some of them actually giggled!
Gotta love that ego.
P.S. The jokes were:
Why was the blonde happy when she finished her puzzle in 8 months?
Because on the box it said
"from 2-4 years.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
Amazing jokes, no?
This topic... was actually the basis of most of my thinking in ninth grade. But Sergei stole my basic Idea through some kind of freaky Kov telekinesis, so I apologize for anything I rehash. During the second half of freshman year, I was writing something. I write a lot, so this is to be expected. But this something had a two-faced main character. Not literally, but he spawned the idea of the masks we wear. Again, not literally. We wear a different mask for different groups of friends, a different mask for our teachers, and a different mask for our parents. We wear a different mask for competitors, and yet another one for our lovers. These masks are the only reason we seem different from anyone else. The masks aren't painted on by us. We allow others to paint a picture on it, then edit as we see fit. I apologize for the extensive metaphor, but it had to be done.
We allow this to be accepted. Humans are social creatures, we allow others to shape their conceptions as they see fit so that they won't shun us from the reproductive cycle. It's an ancient instinct, but it's clearly an effective one. We go out of our way to please others for a benefit. Think about any show you've ever seen where a businessman goes to an Asian country, and is intensely briefed on their culture. Why? So that the Asian company he's meeting will not reject him. Friendship is a benefit that seems to be worth the trouble. How many times have you changed yourself based on something said by a person you don't like? Odds are, once or twice tops, and only then when you sensed a benefit to it. It's different when it comes from them. Benefits are much more common with people we are on good terms with. It makes things easier for us.
I can't exactly speak to the points we'll go to please people, as I change whenever I'm struck with inspiration. As I mentioned a moment ago, I write a lot. I also tend to get into the mindset of whoever I start to write about. A new mask for every story. I keep this mask on, unless I don't know exactly who I'm dealing with. Most people I know are aware I'm not exactly the most outgoing person. Let me rephrase that. I'm painfully shy. I just don't show it all the time. But the mask, or a mask, always stays on. I filter anything and everything I say like this. There are maybe three people who know me without a mask. Maybe. And none of them are me. That's one of the few objective things I can say at the moment. We have progressed so far that we're not even aware we cater to other people's whims. We don't know when we're ourselves, and when we're what someone else wants us to be. The real question is, is this really that bad of a thing?
What if the truth is that I do not wish to attend college, and I simply want to spend the next ninety years of my life driving in a navy blue Volts Wagon making left turns? What if I want to travel across any sea I have yet to touch in an old sailboat, then, moments before the first rays of light sparkle across the surface, I’ll float upon the cold salt water so that my clothes are drenched and I am hovering over a marine world fifty thousand feet below me? What if I want to spend an entire night on a subway willing to explore any of the cities it takes me to? What if the last thing I could ever want is to become some successful lawyer or doctor making lots of money, but spending hours at the office overnight calculating bills and making phone calls, thinking of how I really should be happy with my ‘astounding success’, but feeling nothing but depressed? In response to these questions, the only things I have been told are: no, absolutely not, honey you can’t do that, that’s crazy, you can’t live that life, and, my personal favorite, Ashley, that’s not who you are. Truthfully, I would love to experience life simply traveling the world and taking in every moment to make a memory. Yet, I have been met with nothing but resistance and opposition. I find myself constantly questioning my future, asking myself if I should let the mere force of resistance dictate my life. I wish I could say that I don’t care what anyone else thinks, but resistance is much more than a word composed of a few meaningless letters put together to make a sound; it has the affect to make you change your mind.
It is not just resistance or opposition that we are met with in such situations, but persuasion as well. I have heard from my parents that if I choose to live the life I have only dreamed of, I could easily end up homeless or feel inescapably alone. By living this life, I could lose my sanity and not be able to live the romantic life I have also pictured in. Additionally, if I lived this life, I know that my peers would expect so much more from me. I often find myself saying that I know I could do better or find some other life that could bring me just as much happiness. It is this parental pressure, peer pressure, and self-imposed pressure that makes us change our minds, and it has a huge impact on the decisions we make and the lives we choose to uphold. It has even had the impact to make me want to give up and forget any of these crazy thoughts that I have wished to pursue.
Pressure is something which can easily incite fear, concern, or the desire to change because of the persuasion it beholds. We, as humans, feel the need to keep ourselves in line with everyone else. The reason why is because we know that when someone steps out of line, or in other words does something different or changes their look from the average person, they are given unwanted attention. For example, when someone dyes their hair blue or bungee jumps off a bridge, attention is drawn to them. These people are now defined within a society, and being defined is something we greatly fear. Yet, it is these people who take chances and ‘define’ themselves who really understand what living life to the fullest is like. If we keep ourselves in this line for the rest of our lives, we will never know what it is like to be that person who takes chances. Keeping this line is even seen when a person falls in one of the hallways of a school. Instantaneously, attention is drawn to that person and they are no longer seen as quite the same person, especially if they are considered popular or not likely to make mistakes. Due to the attention they have now drawn to themselves, the person immediately gets up and usually tries to pretend that it never happened. By doing so, they are putting themselves back in line. The people who stand up and simply laugh it off are the people who do not mind stepping out of line, or in other words, being different or admitting that it was a simple mistake.
Something that has always captured my attention on television is a Dove Commercial trying to show how much pressure girls feel within today’s world in their “Campaign for Real Beauty”. It begins with a very young girl looking at a poster showing a thin, very attractive grown woman advertising for Victoria Secret. The connection made between the small girl and the grown woman was brilliant because it shows at what a low level pressure can affect people. One would think that only teenagers would begin to feel this pressure to change their bodies in accordance with what we associate as being attractive. Nevertheless, it even affects girls in second or third grade. We are afraid of being different because of what others will think and the criticisms we imagine run through their heads, and yes, we do care. In fact, we care enough to change our bodies and perhaps even cry ourselves to sleep knowing of our differences. It seems that the last thing a person could ever want to feel is different, so there are some who strive to gain the appearance of someone “better”. The line that defines the average human is in need of being erased, and if not, we will never appreciate ourselves or feel confident enough to live the lives we could only wish to have.
Ah, good old peer pressure. Why does it affect us? Simple. Because we, as a society, have taught each generation to conform. Since birth, our brains have been slammed with images that promote the Average Joe, or, as I like to call him, society drone. Think about it. We are trained to act the same way, talk the same way, and think the same way. Our perception of the "American character" is the same. What do you think of when you are asked to define American beliefs? Images of a buff, hardworking, and motivated individual most like pop into mind. Does this accurately represent American society? It's not my place to say.
Anyways, the purpose of that long-winded society rant was to show that peer pressure isn't just about smoking weed, or going to that slammin' party down the block. It doesn't just come in the form of "C'mon, everyone's doing it!" or "You're so lame for not drinking with us." My point is, "peer pressure" is forced upon us from all angles, not just our friends. It comes from our parents, teachers, the TV, radio, movies, songs, and every other place I can think of. Every time I turn around, someone's indirectly telling me I need to lose weight, dye my hair bleach blonde, and get a boob job to fit in. I'm taught that I need to get all As in school or else I'll fail in life. I've managed to avoid that oh-so-awkward peer pressure issue, but I'm being pressured from all angles by society itself.
I can honestly say, with a completely straight face, no JK-ing or LOL-ing about it, that I couldn't care less about what society thinks of me. I'm perfectly fine with being the social outcast, or the person who says the thing that makes people hate her. I don't mind not wearing the coolest clothes, or not weighing the same amount as the girls on the TV. I'm okay with being alone, and I don't need society's approval to live my life the way I want to. Sadly, however, it seems that I'm one in a few who feel this way. People are constantly angry with me for what I say. Whenever I open my mouth to speak, the class groans and says "There she goes again..." I don't normally mind this, but it sometimes bothers me that my peers act this way. Should my ideas, as radical or outrageous as they may be, be any less valid just because they aren't the popular opinion? Should the things I think are important be shunned just because they aren't what kids my age concern themselves with? Personally, I don't think so. Even if I don't agree with what people are saying, I commend them for making a stand for something they believe in. Having an idea or belief is one thing, but being motivated enough to act on it is another. Unfortunately, I'm hard pressed to find someone who gives me the same respect.
Why does perception have such a profound impact on our beliefs? As a firm believer in convention, I find that what we percieve is what we believe. For those of you who aren't familiar with with concepts of convention and the void, it's a pretty simple theory. When you see something blue, our brain processes that vision and registers it as, "Oh, that bottle is blue." But do we really know that it's blue? I don't think so. We just accept that its blue, because we have know other way of classifying it. Hot is hot, cold is cold, sweet is sweet, and bitter is bitter all by convention, rather than truth. Get it? Anyways, based off of this notion, we are more inclined to accept things than discover the truth about them. This is especially prominent in peer pressure, because we accept society's images of how we should act, think, or look, rather than question and redefine them. Because of this, it seems to me that we are, for the most part, unwilling to rewrite the social standards set for us.
I'm sure a lot of people will read this and be like "Wow. She really needs to get over herself."
Alright, I will. But thanks for proving my point. :)
TO HILARY<333
I was extremely moved by what you said about the self reflection over the summer. Personally, I think that reflecting upon self is one of the hardest things to do. I know I'm always so quick to push the problem on other people rather than accepting my piece in it. My entire theme last year was "I'm a social outcast because people can't handle what I have to say." This wasn't true, of course. (well, I hope not, at least.) However, I pushed myself away from my friends and moped around and dug myself into a hole. It was the lonliest time of my life. Since then, I've come to terms with my many character flaws, and I've accepted them for what they are. Dealing with myself, and questioning my life philosophies were quite difficult, so I feel you on that one.
I also find it really interesting that you felt like you weren't good enough for the friends you have. I know for a fact that the "group" wouldn't be the same without you!
Oh, and remember..
IF I HAD A GIRLFRIEND, HER NAME WOULD BE HILARY FRANCIS.
(Okay, that sounded really gay, but it's kind of an inside joke sort of thing...)
In response to Deana:
I could not agree with you more on the fact that trying to fit in is “-a mistake that everyone makes and it’s only a learning experience.” To fully appreciate oneself, you sometimes have to travel along a path that causes you to change yourself. Eventually, one will find that changing oneself does not necessarily bring about the satisfaction that we imagine it will. We think that after we change, we will feel better about ourselves because we are becoming more like the image we are striving to become. Yet, in the end, we realize that it is not us who we are ‘making feel better’, but instead someone else. Traveling along this path is what helps us to appreciate ourselves on a whole new level because we realize just how great of a person we are without making the readjustments or changes.
Fitting in, being accepted, having popular friends, blah blah blah. Why do we care so much? It seems so petty and shallow when we step back and think about it. To categorize and strategize ways to be part of the “in” crowd seems like such a waste of time. I, like most people, used to think about these things all the time. Freshman year, it was obvious who the “cool” kids in our grade were (and that group pretty much hasn’t changed). Freshman year was a particularly difficult year for me. I can say --without too much doubt that any Mullican will disagree-- that nearly all of us Mullicans were a little shocked at first by the change in body count at school. From a few hundred to a few thousand is a huge alteration. The central thought in my head was, “yeah, they liked me at Mullica, but how will I be classified at this new school with so many more people..? How will I get to know the right people and not be considered a dork because I like to do well in school? Oh my god. I’m going to be a dork.” Looking back, I see how stupid my sleepless week before the first day of school was. At first, sure I wanted to fit in, but I later realized that everything that is meant to be will be. I relaxed and let myself meet “people”, not types of people. Just people. I realized that everyone was just as scared as me. Now, I have the best group of friends ever, all of whom I love dearly. We all understand each other and do our best to help each other out with advice or whatever need be. We are all similar in that we MAKE each other the “popular kids”. We seem to laugh the loudest in the lunch room (Hilary!!!), and have so much fun that we don’t even care what other people are doing. We are able to be ourselves and not feel like we are being scrutinized over every little action. Everyone deserves to feel like that. Instead of aspiring to be in the cool crowd, kids should really look for people who will welcome them into their friendship circle for who they are. It’s more fun that way from what I’ve experienced. There’s no need to exert effort, and you can just be.
I’ve found that there’s also that need to make complete strangers think you’re all that. This is the most perplexing thing of all about wanting to fit in. We try to look our best when we go to the mall, to go to school, to go anywhere that we know there will be “important” people watching (or even when there is the possibility of someone showing up). Watching? No one cares half as much as we think they do. I think that we are all very self-absorbed in this way. Who are we to think that everyone cares so much about what the heck we are wearing today? It’s crazy. I’m guilty of this too, and I can’t seem to convince myself otherwise even though I know the truth.
As for the “why”, I think there must be some survival thing (that we don’t need anymore in modern times, really) connected to the need for acceptance. The need to belong to a pack to survive in the wild is kind of like the need to belong to a certain social level. We feel we will be eaten alive by the cool kids if we aren’t part of them. Why else would we spend so much energy trying to perfect ourselves according to other people’s standards? There has to be some deep reason encrypted into our genes. We all know we shouldn’t care so much, but the fact that this is even a question to be answered means that obviously we don’t live by what we know. Everyone feels the need to belong and blend in. We are told to stand out and express our individuality and be loved for who we are, but the truth is, people are mean, and we know it. The popular kids are sadly the ones who are malicious and will tell you you’re a loser and not good enough. And, they’ll make it known to everyone in earshot. I don’t know why they are held in such regard. They obviously don’t deserve all the glory they receive, yet generation after generation, they’re they people to be.
. Not literally, but he spawned the idea of the masks we wear. Again, not literally. We wear a different mask for different groups of friends, a different mask for our teachers, and a different mask for our parents. We wear a different mask for competitors, and yet another one for our lovers. These masks are the only reason we seem different from anyone else. The masks aren't painted on by us. We allow others to paint a picture on it, then edit as we see fit.
Dan- honestly that really hit home with me. I fully have a different attitude with the different people in my life, and it is really is a mask. We act differently around the people we tend to be around and for saying that so perfectly I applaud you. (and probably will literally in physics.) I love how you said these masks aren’t of our own making but essentially what the other person wants to see and we tweak it however we see fit. Its like one core person, yet a million little pieces that make up that person. Each of the masks still has a common element, yet is very different in its nature. We as people guide our way through life, and the masks are basically a tool. It was a very insightful blog, and I loved reading it.
Hayley-
“Looking back, it seems so immature of me. I should have just been myself from the very beginning because eventually he would’ve seen right through that diaphanous layer of mine anyway.”
This is so true. When you think about it, all you’re doing by acting a certain way to be accepted is conning someone into liking you. Sooner or later, they’re going to find out who the real you is. Then, you may have to deal with the disappointment and humiliation that comes with rejection anyway. There really is no point in being phony to be liked. The truth comes out.
Molly-
“God forbid we do something alone. We need that social support, those people to give you the boost of self-confidence that you can’t seem to build by yourself. I know I can’t do it. I don’t know myself. I don’t know who I am. And because of that, I feel like I need to find a place in this world where I can find a cozy spot and stay there, unnoticed until I have found who I truly am.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m definitely not at the point where I can do everything off of my own self confidence. It’s so difficult to try to stand on your own two feet when you know you can feel a hundred times better about your decision if you have someone backing you up. I know for a fact that I get a stiff neck from turning around to you in physics asking, did you get this answer?! Haha. :] Sooner or later, we’re going to need to act alone, and this is totally scary. I don’t feel like I completely know myself either. And better yet, where the flip are we supposed to search anyway?? But, I know, sadly, we aren’t supposed to hide in a cozy spot and wait for us to find us (How crazy did I just sound?).
I don't think there's any complicated reason for why people care about what others think of them. It's really just simple logic kneaded into our instinct to the point where we don't even need to think about it. If a monkey does things that make the other monkeys very happy, the monkeys will like him. If all the monkeys like the first monkey, then they'll do nice things for him. You may never once realize it, but deep down, when you gave to that homeless man, helped that woman cross the street, or offered to watch some kids for the night, you really hoped that you'd get a banana or two for it. Maybe even get the ticks pulled out of your fur. That'd be nice.
Of course, I seem to be leaving out parts. Everyone talks about the fear of rejection as well. When you think about it, though, is that really so different? Let's take another look at the monkeys, then. Let's say the first monkey committed a big no-no in the monkeysphere, and now all of the other monkeys are shunning him. Now, that might be all well and good at first, but what's going to happen when Monkey X finds himself a big ol' bushel of bananas? He's certainly not sharing with the shunkey. And so, our brain rewards us for being popular and not being the shunkey. This makes doing kind things feel good, and doing embarrassing things feel bad.
Now I'm sure some of you are quite displeased with what you are hearing. I'm not knocking kindness, it's one of mankind's most endearing features, and we would certainly die off without it. Just for you, I made sure not to actually steep my blog in scientific fact, but instead to keep them as just theories. For anyone else, I'm sure you've figured out my point by now. There is no such thing as true compassion, just a mass of instincts designed to fulfill our two natural goals in life. Exist and breed.
I certainly hope nobody decides to go Pi Patel on me and attack my angle without necessarily saying I'm wrong in my facts. There is a great quote from house which I believe in, and I think may help others understand my thinking. "I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see- they're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down. There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting. I find it more comforting to believe that this isn't simply a test."
I'm sorry for the short blog, but I had a rather simple answer. It was hard enough to stretch as it is.
In response to (no surprise) Matty's blog: Admirable. I do think I'd do the same thing as you in that situation. A girl hasn't earned it until she's stalked me a while and sent life-threatening love notes. Or I do that to them, I suppose. Ah, but I guess I'll always be a hopeless romantic.
I just hope I don't end up a homeless romantic. That would suck.
Brendan: "A girl hasn't earned it until she's stalked me a while and sent life-threatening love notes. Or I do that to them, I suppose. Ah, but I guess I'll always be a hopeless romantic.
I just hope I don't end up a homeless romantic. That would suck."
That pretty much made my day right there. The hilarious part was the "life-threatening love notes"! ahahahah, VERY nice! Oh, and yea, a homeless romantic would suck!
Brendan, as always your insight is truly unique and that's awesome! i actually, somehow, in some universe understand what you're saying and kind of agree with it, for the most part. the monkey analogy was the best though :)
And thank you for that bit of advice; i'll be sure to consider it the next time i'm faced with this dilemma. And as Meg Song said, " it would suck to be a hopeless romantic."
SCHAEFFER i have to say i completely agree with devon about your post. Honestly, you are one of the coolest people I know. You truly don't care what other people think about you, and I don't know what I would do without you on the soccer team. I know it sucks that we play JV, but we make the most of it and you always make it fun. You are too smart and too talented to be thinking that your life is meaningless.
For the first of what will probly end up as a series of comments, I say to Matt, congratulations. That sexual impulse is the main reason for the pressure I feel. It's like all your worth as a person is linked to whether you're dating and who it is. So congrats on standing up to that. Second, to Alice, arguments involving Supertramp can never go wrong. And third, to Linds, I feel like your rollercoaster analogy is the greatest way to describe the social pressures of high school I've heard in a long time, so no applause required.
And, as a swirling agent of chaos, who delights in strangeness and disorder, I must say I am dissapointed with the level of chaos in this blog. Let's start some arguments, people! And on that note, I gotta say that Jon's looking at this all wrong. Life may be meaningless, and dying is a guarantee, but a ninja could be right behind you right now with two swords, ready to end it. You gotta live life as though a ninja is right behind you. Which, according to Ninja Physics, there is one. Always.
We never do what we want. If we all did then this world would just destroy itself. And if past generations did what they wanted then we wouldn’t be alive, because if they didn’t like someone they would just murder them.
But ever since we were small little bambinos it has been beaten into our heads that we have certain rules to obey in certain situations. You can’t use a cell phone in school, you can’t do this, you can’t do that. We have always had limitations forced upon us every day. So do we really do what we want? When it’s midnight and I want to go to sleep but I can’t because all my homework is not done.
Peer pressure, parental pressure, etc. has always been a part of everyone’s lives. We have always been told what to do at every step of the way. We were taught to obey rules, to do and not do certain things. But we need to do this just to feel accepted into the society. We want to feel like we are a part of the crowd and not the odd one out that everyone stares at. No one has that much strength that they would voluntarily be different and could stand people making fun of them. Eventually one gets tired of it and become a part of the crowd.
Being the same or being on top is how our society is functioned. Its human nature to want to fit in, to want to have friends, to want be wanted. It’s what our ancestors have developed and it has been passed down form generation to generation. We do what we are told because no one really wants to accept the consequences. For example, you don’t do your homework for AP Lang. and you fail. But no one wants to fail, everyone wants those college credits, everyone wants to save those $3,000 that we would soon have to pay.
Being a part of something and not being the oddball is programmed into our brains. We do what we are told to do, and even if we think that we are rebels we have consent to some demands eventually. But the most important part is that in trying to fit in one should never lose themselves. Everyone wants to have friends but you have friends that have something in common with you. If you don’t you’ll still be the odd ball but just on the inside this time.
So we have been taught to “a part of the crowd” since we were born, and we have now accepted that. And no one really does what they want or our president wouldn’t be around. Actually a lot of people wouldn’t be around.
In response to Ashely S:
I would also hate it of someone tired to force me to oppress my dreams. And i would definitely hate it if someone said "Ashely that's not who you are." But you know put my name in there. People try to do that, and so we never get a chance to do what we actually wan to do. I completely agree with on this matter. People shouldn't crush other peoples dreams and yet they do any way and say, "it's what is best for you." But shouldn't we be able to decide what is best for us? In my opinion don't let anyone tell you other wise if you want to travel the world do it. That’s also my dream but I have completed half way already.
I find it remarkably weird and depressing how much I relate to Schaeffer. I can't imagine myself growing up. I don't think I'm supposed to. I can't picture myself living a long, happy life. I think I'll just end up stop caring after a while. I don't think I'll only reach 25 like Jon, but I think.. 34 is a good age. By that time, I'll be out of college with my Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree, I'll probably be rich, and have houses in alaska, colorado, australia, and england, like I've always dreamed. I'll have tons of dogs, but I won't have a husband, not even a boyfriend, because I'm just too incompetent. I won't be in contact with my family. I'll have 2 friends left from high school, the third one would have just recently died because that would be my luck, my best friend dying. And then I'll probably get in a car accident or get cancer or my body just won't be able to function or keep up with me anymore. How depressing.
Aside from that, I really like what Meg Lee said:
"It is hard in life to find true friends, if you can answer all of the statements that I have made through this entire blog about your “true” friend then you should hold onto that person tight because it is rare that you ever find someone that you can be that close to."
I don't try to be different, I just think I naturally don't fit in to the "cliques" at Oakcrest. I think that's mostly because my 2 "best friends" go to absegami and atlantic city. I don't find the need to try to fit in with everyone and make new friends because, as brutally honest as this statement is, I don't think any one else is really worth my time at Oak besides a select few. Like Schaeffer, I have trouble finding people I can talk to, like really intelligently and philosophically talk to. The very few people who I can actually talk to here, I know like me for me and care about what I have to say. I don't have to fit in or conform, they respect me for who I am. Still, there is no one who knows everything about me, but it's not that I don't want them to know, it's that I don't want to admit it to myself. Now that I think about it, another reason opening up is hard for me is because I don't want to take the time to explain myself to anyone because they won't understand. It's not that I care what they have to say or how they'd judge me, but I'd rather not waste my time explaining myself because people always want answers, and I can't give them any, well not any that seem logical or reasonable enough.
Eminem, on one side he is an MC to school all MC’s; on the other side he is a lyrical genius. I know for a fact I say “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” at least twice a month. I say this mostly on Mondays. The sleep is holding my eyes shut as I lie in bed listening to the first track of The Darkness CD that’s in my alarm clock. I bargain with myself, “John, you need to go to school today. Did you do all of your homework? Yes. Well, if I stay home what would I miss? Too much.” I defy gravity for another day, shower and go to school. I couldn’t imagine being a girl. Having to get up, get showered, get dressed, do makeup, do hair and the list goes on and on. All for what? A day that you look nice. I guess it’s worth it to them.
Everyone has an image they feel they need to uphold, and everyone knows those kids that are ostracized from the “popular” groups. No one wants to be in “that” group that is portrayed in every teen movie. The geeks get a good grade on the big math test and they get the girl to go to the prom with them. This doesn’t happen in real life. The geeks ask out a girl they know will go to prom with them, and all is well among the all mighty caste system of high school. This is all to avoid social humiliation. It’s really that cliché. The interaction between geeks and popular is a two way street. The girl that thinks that drama guy is super cute doesn’t take great interest in him because he does drama. This is not morally correct. Kids should be able to take interest in another regardless of whether the person in question is Asian, does drama or smells a little funny. Truth is, no one is going to go from dating the super duper attractive girl that also cooks, cleans and tucks her boyfriend in at night(if only) to dating the kid that smells funny. I sure wouldn’t. First of all because that is my dream girl, second everyone would say, “Why are you going out with her? She smells funny.” After the thousandth response, explaining how I like her for her witty insight into the intricacies of a Dave Matthews Band songs and the way she loves to do nothing and still be content, the meaning of what those things actually mean are lost. I regret to admit this, but I do not plan on changing. I don’t think it’s worth creating all sorts of controversy over a relationship that will, at best, last until the end of senior year. Everyone says, does and thinks things for the reasons they can only begin to decipher. Peer pressure is all around us both among your tight group of friends and with the whole school watching. The aspect that makes peer pressure, particularly scary is that everyone is in this battle alone. Peers are the people around you, parents, doctors, friends and foes are all peers. They are all indirectly trying to impose their will upon you. This is what makes it so hard. YOU have to listen to the right views, because, in the end, when you meet your maker, you are accountable for what you do, no one else. That is what scares me most about peer pressure.
Yet another response to Matty:
You made the right choice buddy. No matter what, the potential diseases that could be crawling around on that girl’s body is not worth being the “man” among boys. You are happy with what you experience when the time comes, and you don’t let artificial situations run your brain. I admire that in you.
In response to Devon:
You are completely right. You need to care less about other people’s opinions and more about what makes you happy. It feels like it’s straight out of a Chicken Soup: A Book for the Upper to Middle Teenage years. The only one that matters is you, but you know that.
So my boyfriend and I just broke up and I spent a lot of time thinking like what did I do wrong? I found myself analyzing the way I acted around him and like what I had been wearing. I was kinda stressing out about it because I just didn’t get why this was happening. I thought several times that maybe if I could change something about myself, he would want me back. Pathetic, right? Then I read this blog and it hit me. Why change yourself for someone? I was caring too much about what this one, insignificant person thought about me and realized if he didn’t like me how I am then that is just too bad. It is so important to just be yourself because that is what makes you you. I have realized as I am writing this that my mind is changing. Yes, I still care about how I dress for school and how my hair and make up look, but you shouldn’t change the way you act EVER. You can only be you, no one else can be you and you can’t be anyone else. So I think it is important to take time and appreciate who you are as a person and show the world your true colors. Appearance, yes, you may care about how others see you that way, but let your inner self shine brighter than your appearance. I want to try and not be as shy. I want to try to be more out going and show people who I am as a person, because that is what makes everyone an individual. Clothing brands, like Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch, might bring people together due to what is considered the “cool” thing to wear, but our personalities and little individual quirks are what make us who we are. It is what sets us apart, but can also bring us together.
I think I might be rambling a little bit and sorry for that but that just came to me. I know it has always bothered me when my friends have altered themselves in ways just to fit a certain image and then I realized I was doing that too. I was caring a little bit too much about what others think and that is so harmful to a person’s confidence in themselves. I am not trying to sit here and tell you that I don’t care at all with what others think of me because that is a lie. I still wake up in the morning and try to dress cute and tame my hair so it is not just an unidentified frizz ball, but it doesn’t make me a shallow or materialistic person; it is just part of life. Teens get pressured by friends and family and even themselves to act and be a certain way. It is a sad fact. Parents want them to be 4.0 GPA Top 1% overachievers with aspirations to be top doctors and lawyers and all that good stuff, but maybe that isn’t what their child wants to be when they get older. Maybe they want to go travel to Africa and home the homeless or just settle down in South Jersey and be a teacher with a family, but they just follow their parents’ dream for them because they don’t want their parents to view them as a “fail at life”. Teens are pushed by their friends to fit in and do what the cool kids do, which might be drugs and drinking, despite knowing that that is not what you are about.
Pressure and people’s scrutiny of you is just part of life, like it you can’t stop that. The only thing you can control is if you care or not. Sure of course, you are going to care at least a little, but you can decide whether it will make or break you. The most important thing I have been trying recently to remember, and I think everyone should remember, is to be true to yourself.
Hil, your blog did inspire me. It honestly made me think like we should not have to mold ourselves to fit the public’s image. People have to be their selves and not be dead set focused on how others view us. My favorite line in yours was “Uniqueness is what makes you YOU, which is the greatest gift in the word. I realize now that I should hold onto my individuality with both hands.” That is so so true! I know your parents bog you down with stress, you irresponsible girl! But keep going and don’t worry too much about it. I know that you are definitely so in control with your life and I am jealous of that. I love ya and I am here for you! Hey note the reference of the unidentified frizz ball :)
I love Eminem! He’s actually coming out with a new CD soon for all you Eminem fans. I actually thought about this and had this conversation with my boyfriend in the car listening to old school Eminem songs. Everyone is usually brought up to be aware of their surroundings. Our surroundings host people who develop opinions and judgments so quickly. We may say we don’t care, but we do to an extent. Some people obsess over what others think. I just recently met my boyfriend’s whole entire family, which is pretty intimidating because he was brought up probably the exact opposite way that I was. I’m open with my mother, but my parents don’t speak openly about controversial topics or subjects that could be put into the inappropriate bin. My parents never curse or talk about family members or anyone behind their back. When I met his parents, they did all that. They did that all in front of me even the first time meeting me! I was taught to always be polite and I put on this smiley, ditzy face screaming, “I’m a girl who is always cheerful and conversational!”. False! I rather listen than hold a conversation any day. But really, I did not want to be any of that when I met them. I just wanted to be with their son to get away from my own house, since I was upset about my Aunt’s accident. I felt forced to be and act like the perfect girl for their son. Why do I care? I guess I don’t want to end up like Romeo and Juliet and have forbidden love.
Honestly, I’ve never fit into any cliques either like some people have said. I’m happy with that, though. I’ve also felt like others who said they can’t establish that connection with anyone who truly understands them because a lot of the time people who are in cliques all think the same, which sometimes creates weakness. When graduation comes, we all part ways. Being aware of what people say and how they perceive you is important because it offers a different opinion of our actions and emotions. Most of the time people only see our actions, and our emotions or reasoning to why we do what we do is ignored. Actions only speak louder than words because no one listens. Assumptions are only made. No one takes the time to listen to what each other has to say or even cares to sometimes. Most of us are caught up into ourselves and our own little world to achieve our dreams.
I honestly wish I could say that I don’t care at all what people think. How could anyone say that? Even people we call our friends, we care what they think. When there are friendships and relationships, shouldn’t we be open and be able to express ourselves as who we are because they are our friends and like us for who we are and not what we have or who we know or what we could be? We live in a world where your infidelity makes the News. We expect political officials to have morals, but they are like regular people and make oopsies from time to time. They don’t meet our expectations and angry people mob the poor officials because they are human and make mistakes, too. Although, they should be able to set an example for our country with having morals. Then again, we are one of the most conservative countries, but that’s a whole other discussion.
Expectations are just depressing. When we have expectations of people and they are not met, a flock of emotions just evolve. It’s either disappointment or sadness or anger. I don’t think anyone in their right mind likes to experience those emotions on a daily basis. However, people still create expectations and we still look at them because subconsciously we don’t want to let anyone down.
We like to strive for perfection and try to create happiness for everyone. Who can you make happy, if your not happy? I personally feel that you have to make yourself happy first in order to make anyone else happy. Your responsible for your happiness, therefore we shouldn’t let anyone be our harshest critic. We are the critics of ourselves. Let’s just care about ourselves and not let other people affect us in that manner. Sorry for the excessive use of rhetorical modes and the discursive language.
Jen and Jon:
Really rather drepressing, your outlooks on life. I can't help but ask "Why?" The only thing i can possibly think of is that it is easier to doubt and say you're going to die early becuase it you don't then its a reward but if you do you called it and its no surprise. If that is the reason, then it is unlike both of you. i have never known either to be slackers or look for the easy way out...well, for the most part anyway. So to hear you're taking the eays way out on life in general is sad, paradoxal to both of your natures, and really disappointing. You are both brilliant in your own unique ways and you, i know, will excell at what ever you set your mind to. Now, i know what's coming next, "then if that's true why don't i get better grades, or why am i not more popular? what ever it is, it has one answer: neither of you set your mind to it. It is as simple as that. with your pessimistic attitudes, towards life in general, bog you don't and stop you before you even start. If you could possibly look on the cliched "bright side of things" you might find that things come a little easier. I not saying you learning everything by osmosis but i think you find it more enjoyable and find yourself doing exceedingly better. How do i know? becuase i was the same way once. always thought i'd do bad, and usually did. however, the few times i said, "i can do this" i did really well. I managed to adopted this new atitude and so far i've had nothing but success. Now, this is only a reccommendation to you to try. i would never tell anyone to change who they are to fit my personal likes and dilikes, that is the complete opposite point of the blog. However, i would suggest to friends a new way to look at things in order to have a better, more pleasant life. I sure, and know jen, that there were many horrible times that probably drove your way of thinking home but i really think it would be beneficial for you to be opptomistic. I think you'll see many things in a new light.
I'm not guarenteeing anything but i am saying, "try it". if you don't like it or it doesn't help then stop and revert to your old ways. but isn't learning new ways to look at and examine things all part of growing up? This is just one of those times.
When people do anything, whether it is cutting their hair, buying new clothes, or anything else, chances are they put major thought into how it will affect their life. Almost all decisions a person makes are in some way or another affected by other people. Decisions made by a person are almost always affected by their surroundings. I can say from a personal standpoint that this is in fact true. Many times in my short life I have done things that I had not exactly thought through and did not want to do. Pressures affect us on such a level that it can completely change our minds from what we wish to do. Peer pressure can force a seemingly innocent teenager into submitting to the evils of drugs and alcohol. Peer pressure affects teenagers the most because of the insecure nature of the common teenager. We are at a time in our lives where we can easily be persuaded by peer pressure. We subconsciously submit to peer pressure and allow it to mold the people we become. This is inevitable and more extreme in some cases. But the more I think about peer pressure and pressure as a whole I wonder to myself why people care as much as they do? Why do people submit themselves to the ideals of others? I really still have not come up with a definitive answer. Everyone says that they don’t care what others think of them. False. We all do and we all know it. The best explanation I could come up for this phenomena was that everyone wants to fit in. everyone wants to be part of a group, but with everyone trying to live up to others expectation this is made even more difficult. If everyone truly dressed however they wanted and acted how they wanted no one would have to worry about superficial things.
Besides peer pressure parental pressure is another issue I’m sure most of us face. Considering we all are in at least one AP class, most of us more than one, are expected to maintain good grades and high class ranks. My parents expect a lot from me and I’m sure yours do too. This can get overwhelming, they constantly are pressuring us to do well so we can be a success. My parents specifically pressure me into doing my best, while I know that they want the best for me it can get overwhelming at times. Pressures affect virtually every aspect of our lives and we end up paying for it eventually.
in response to Nyge:
Your blog reminded me of Costal's jounral last year that went on about how you can't see your reflection in a stream when the water runs very fast. What you said about highschool brought up a point that i think is easily missed in this blog, the fact that these highschool years are going to shape us no matter what and the goal is to come out in a shape that you desire. we don't want our lives to run so fast that we lose ourselves within them. if the flow of life is slow and steady it will be easy to see our reflections in its stream. Another good point you made was that within our circles of friends sometimes we have to change into certain epople to protect those around us. Whether you're the responsible one, Nyge, or the kamikaze rebel without a cause but probably needs one, jon scheaffer. The one thing i took from your post is not to try and stop from changing who i am, but let it occur naturally and guide myself into who i want to become. As officer michaels says to officer slater in super bad, "we've gotta guide McLovin's *male reproductive organ* not block it".
Deana:
"You either do it because sub-consciously, you want to be accepted or because you don’t want to let anyone down. It is difficult to overcome because we still have the influence of so many people bearing down on us…our parents, friends, teachers...and so on. If we just do what we honestly think in our heart of hearts is right, though, we cannot go wrong. When you come to this realization, either now or five years from now, you’ll look back and laugh. However, don’t laugh too hard, it’s a mistake that everyone makes and it’s only a learning experience."
I agree with you completely. It's hard to be completely genuine and yourself with all the influences from several directions. This is why I think the going away to college experience is necessary for everyone to learn who they are and force yourself into an unknown environment. When your in an unknown environment, your more likely to learn who you truly are without anyone fogging your mind of who you should be.
Other people’s opinions and perceptions affect everybody, no matter what people may think, whether it deals with what kind of music, clothes, or friends that they have. People feel the need to categorize everything that they see, especially when it comes to clothes. You can instantly tell what click a girl is trying to fit into by what she wears. A girl who doesn’t even know what the heck kind of brand she is wearing, and normally doesn’t care, is labeled ‘weird’. A person who wears American Eagle or Pac Sun is making the statement that ‘I want to blend in’, without being thought of as weird by not wearing brand name clothing. If you see a person wearing Hollister, they are usually trying to make the statement ‘I am better than you and I know it’. You don’t want to be the freak that nobody wants to talk to, so you cover up who you really are with makeup, fake nails, and straight hair.
This peer pressure bubbles over from your social life into your academic life, without you even realizing it. Instead of studying for your big calculus test, you are busy doing your hair, or taking hours out of your day by picking out the perfect outfit. Then, when you look great the next day, you fail your test, forget to do your Spanish homework, and fall asleep during a movie in history. Overtime this vicious circle of destruction could eat away at your GPA like a rabid hyena. (bahahahaa) A week of days like that could drop your GPA about 7 points.
People have the quality of subconsciously ranking everything that they see in their heads. Every time that a girl walks into a room, she evaluates everything around her, especially the people. When you feel confident and rank yourself as the most important person in the room, you are more likely to act loud and obnoxious, and not care about what the other people in the room think about you because you feel confident in your appearance. While on the other hand, if you feel intimidated by another persons personality or looks, you are more likely to be more observant of your surroundings, so you don’t make yourself look retarted in front of people that you want to ‘impress’. Why?
I think that over time, the thought of what is the popular view has been ingrained in our minds. When somebody tells you to describe a doctor to you they would most likely reply with an old white haired man wearing a white jacket. Why not an Asian woman or an African American man? The pressure of what things are supposed to be constantly plagues our decisions. A man may think that ‘Oh I can’t be a nurse, I’m a guy.’ Well I say go for what you believe, and especially what you love, even if other people look at you through their nose.
Morgan. I've missed you in my life.
So, I was just thinking about how HILARIOUS the unidentified frizzball was... gosh. Mullican times were simpler. No dumb boyfriends or SUPER CLIQUES WITH BOYFRIENDS to worry about haha. Just you, me, and Carly baking cookies, watching the School of Rock 40 bagillion times, and getting our "bang for our buck. :) Good times girl.
P.S. You are so beautiful inside and out. Don't ever EVER let anyone make you think the least bit differently. <3.
I know for a fact I say “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” at least twice a month. I say this mostly on Mondays. The sleep is holding my eyes shut as I lie in bed listening to the first track of The Darkness CD that’s in my alarm clock. I bargain with myself, “John, you need to go to school today. Did you do all of your homework? Yes. Well, if I stay home what would I miss? Too much.” I defy gravity for another day, shower and go to school. I couldn’t imagine being a girl. Having to get up, get showered, get dressed, do makeup, do hair and the list goes on and on. All for what? A day that you look nice. I guess it’s worth it to them.
In response to John M-
I can relate to everything you said in this paragraph perfectly. Seriously I tell myself every Monday that I don’t care what people think just like you do because I am way too tired and not ready for the weekend to be over. I always tell myself that I could just not go to school but then I would have too much work to make up. Being a girl on a Monday morning is rough. I kind of give up after the first week of school on doing my hair and I don’t really wear make up. But I think I try to look decent sometimes because I see all of the other girls walking down the hallway looking perfect with their hair pin straight, the best outfit, and curly eye lashes. It makes me feel like a bum when I’m walking down the hallway in my sweatpants next to a girl with skin tight jeans who makes me look like I just arose from the dead. I’m done though from now on when I get dressed, do my hair, and the little amount of make up that I wear, it will be for me. Monday mornings suck!
People care about what others think of them because we are social animals. Our drive is to exist in social groups. People who avoid others are considered “lonely”. Yet lonely people are the only people who are uninformed by the pressures of others. But at the same time these people are considered unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Our drive to be with people is what forms the “social norms” that people feel they must fit in. When I gather in a group of people of three or more, I notice almost one hundred percent of the time that a majority of the group will create a “partition” between the group excluding or secluding a person or group of people from the main group. This separation creates a competition for attention in the group and power in these groups is the ability to decide who is or is not in the groups.
In years previous I have described myself as two different people, my “school” self and my “home” self. These two things (two of me) created a lot of stress for me. I needed to have my “home” time or my school work and attitude suffered. At school I was as I had always been, calm, nonreactive, and in a sense, boring. But at home my personality was changing rapidly, I was becoming more loud and argumentative. So when I came home from a day at school, I would need to decompress before I could be approached with any real problems. The tensions that I accumulated over the course of the day needed to be released and if I was unable to do this in the normal fashion I was rather explosive in temperament at home. Thus, the social tensions that were at work at school dictated my tension and anger at home.
As a person I put people in “boxes”. These boxes are in no way two dimensional, but they do affect the way that I react to certain situations that occur. People are placed in boxes that have a large correlation with when most of my interaction with said person is. The people in band usually have their own “band” boxes, some of them are in other places such as “school” places as well, but when two types of boxes unexpectedly mix, it throws me though a loop. I respond much more slowly than usual, and may seem to be confused, but if I have never before seen you while I am at band, and you walk up to me and start talking, I get mixed up and have to think more about what I am saying and doing than normal. Finally, in my heart of hearts, I truly want to believe that I am my own person, and I do in a way… but it is in the way that I believe that I’m going to wake up on Christmas with a puppy waiting for me down stairs (that will never happen, btw). I still try to pull the wool over my own eyes, hoping just this once that the magic will still happen even though I know how the trick works.
-- Ali B
This peer pressure bubbles over from your social life into your academic life, without you even realizing it. Instead of studying for your big calculus test, you are busy doing your hair, or taking hours out of your day by picking out the perfect outfit. Then, when you look great the next day, you fail your test, forget to do your Spanish homework, and fall asleep during a movie in history. Overtime this vicious circle of destruction could eat away at your GPA like a rabid hyena. (bahahahaa) A week of days like that could drop your GPA about 7 points.
WOW! I had not noticed this but now that I have read it I concur. This is a horrible learning disability that may need it's own TV ads, immunization, and treatment plan.
--Ali B
So, I commented earlier in the week but now it’s time for me to let all of it out. Everyone is basically saying the same thing that they all strive for individuality, and the carefree attitude towards other person’s criticism. I don’t think we will ever as a society, break away from the constantly advertised, ‘model-body’ and ‘hot’ appearance. We all want to be noticed, thought about, and even fought over. Since this is pretty much what society allows, why is it even a big deal? If everyone else obsesses over appearance, why shouldn’t I? We need to keep up with the others. Although society accepts that our world, or at least America is over reactive and based on looks, why can’t we change? It’s hard to walk away from something this important to our daily lives, and I wont be the first to do it. However, not counting my freshman year, high school has opened my world and experiences to new people and situations. I have met some extraordinary people like Eva, who can phrase words and ideas more beautifully than imagined, and can analyze literature in her sleep. I have also met some people that I would love to shove my gym socks down their throat, because they are ridiculously OBSESSED with not only appearance, but their own petty desires. Still, these interactions among different people have opened my mind and made me realize that I don’t give a ‘HIT (hilface) what other people think. If I want to scream, curse, or bitch about a situation, I am going to do it. Although after it’s over, I may mentally scold myself for overreacting, I still did what I WANT!
Personally, I believe that the media has inflicted such a fabricated and unrealistic version of the real life that it has left teens and others helpless and left in an endless search for perfection. “If life was like the movies.” How many times have you heard that? And how many people think that their life could be made into a reality show (for real)? Everyone searches for the perfect guy/girl, college, team, and classifies the events in their life with their favorite tv show. The media has brain washed our minds into believing that a “reality show” is actually REAL. If it was, they wouldn’t use scripts. If you can boycott the fantasies that television places into your dreams and imagination, you can begin to look for things that really matter in your life.
I wish that people I know, even friends I had, were honest all the time and never judged me or others but EVERYONE does it. We shouldn’t be ashamed, but look for improvement in our morals, and like Costal preached to us last year in one of his tirades, analyze yourself everyday in the mirror and ask, what can I do to become a better person?
TONI
I also am a small fan of Eminem's music because of the messages he sends. He is saiid to be from a bad background and a lot of people critisize his 'dirty' lyrcs, but he is just telling it like it is. He's not afraid to critisize anyone and doesnt fir into a stereotype.
HIL and MORGAN!!<3
The best time at Mullica when the triangle was involved in crazy Halloween costumes and always made a batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies. I miss those days but I still love you both so much and you are both amazing people!
Carly- That comment was amazing. I love your tirades about everyone. I love that you can bitch and moan about anything and everything, and you don’t care what other people think of you. And when you mentioned that media has played a role in our life, it is completely true. We have in our minds what the perfect life would be, and we strive to accomplish that, even if it means losing who we are in the process. You said everything in the best way possible. Love you.
I find myself constantly asking myself the same question over and over again each day. I start thinking “How can i be accepted by this person?” or “How can I impress this person?” Sadly I question even the worst and most common question a person can burden themselves with, which tends to effect everyones attitude day-in and day-out with the same selfish reason:”What do they think of me?” My eyes tell me that this whole idea of people having to bear the weights of human expectation can only leave me in disgust and displeasure when the thought provokes. I will give sympathy to the matter that the idea of impression upon those who will really come to matter and grant you hopes and happiness in your life could be accepted on certain levels. The intolerance to the issue comes in the significance and character of the people an individual tries to impress. Those who must strive to grab their friends attention are friendless; those who change for the respect of others are not respectable; those who deluge themselves in the factors around them for attention deserve being ignored. A believe that you shouldn't “do what you want” for the man next to you doesn't want it can only be seen as the logic of a fool and nave out-lookers.
The whole paragraph rings with hypocrisy as I ramble on about my view of the whole matter. I really find that I am completely helpless in the matter. I live up to the standards of everything around me for reasons not valid by any deep meaning of mine. I will look in the mirror and thing as soon as I wake up “You do not look good enough. You are not fit for school today. You suck.” Unfortunately I can take on that view when the occasion comes into play. Admittedly, sometimes its a matter of a girl, but any guy can vouch for me that he's done that at least once. Sometimes it's a matter of some of those around you leaving you to believe you must wear, have, or do something to impress them. As much as statistics are hated by a certain someone.............Bunje................it's shown that most teenagers only start abusing alcohol and doing drugs because, in a very broad scope of the perception, they are trying to be apart of a group. I've done things I wish I hadn't only because of my friends or those I am associated with. My motive was the same each time: I was trying to be impressive or accepted. Those who aren't your friends really shouldn't matter to you in the long run, and if your friends expect more from you than what you really are, forget them. Stop taking their so called “friendship” and punt it out the door like a roid-rage kicker in a football game. Now, I at least of the pleasure of two factors on my side of this argument. For one, I am not alone in this quest for separation. Many people try hard to just be who they are, but it is understandably one of the hardest things in life, if not the greatest single goal a human can strive for. For that matter, I think I do a pretty good job at it. I can wake up in the morning and when I ask myself what I think of myself, I seriously just look and the mirror and think “ I don't give a fu**!” and continue doing what I do best: being Billy Cheatham. Not the kid trying to walk around all cool and care what I look like, just Billy.
I've unintentlinally been avoiding the direct question this whole time behind this whole tirade of morals in the course of the essay. Why do we get caught up in what people think of us? When it comes down to it, it is just an unavoidable human response to those around us. Sometimes the pressure is intended, making you not just want but a need. A mental drive telling humans they need to be in this ring or life just won't feel right. Now to a certain level, this is acceptable. If someone is saying “Well I need to be apart of this volunteer group because they help people” is a little different. Even this can be flawed, because a lot of the “good” circles only have people in them because of sheer greed. Is it something to be shameful of? In many ways and forms, it should be very frowned upon. Now is it something to be hated for? Not at all. Everyone who has ever lived has been apart of this. They needed to live up to something, and in many forms, this is apart of the beauty of life. We can not hide who we are or what we want to be apart of, so why not strive to be apart of the best of things? Why you do it is also a huge factor. Doing things because others want you even if they don't highly effect your life in the long run shouldn't be a normal practice. Doing things because people who care for you or are with you want you to is the only logical exception to this rule. Your life is what it is, your mind is what it is, your ideals are what they are, and you should let no one change this.
Why do we care? I don’t know. I have always been fairly egotistic, so I just like to absorb praise. I like to be able to show off some degree of skill… But it comes down to the desire to be useful. If I see no point in a given action, I will not do it, but if I am unable to take a useful action, it will plague me for days afterwards. I hate to be in situations where I do not know the rules, because I cannot help. That’s the main reason why I avoid sports, and why I do not take part in most of the activities. I know I would be entirely useless.
And that’s a sensible desire, I think. To be useful. If we are not, we are a burden on anyone around us. In a less opulent society, that would endanger the survival of the entire group. And everyone else would want to round upon the useless one to throw him out. That would mean death. So, everyone would want to make it clear that they are not only useful, but the MOST useful. Thus pride in craftsmanship, or in skills such as singing (which I count just as useful as carpentry.)
As we progress, the definition of usefulness changes. Philosophy is a nuisance when you’re living hand to mouth. You have no time to think upon the meaning of life, or your purpose on earth. And any man who sits about wondering about the universe is a hazard to survival. By the time you reach recorded history, there were people with nothing better to do than record the past. The skill had become useful, and a skilled poet, philosopher, or historian was valuable and could be accepted.
But we have no desire to be accepted by people we see as useless. (Well, think about it. There are some people that you don’t care about their opinion. Are they giving you anything?) I know that for years I honestly didn’t care what my peers thought. That’s not to say that I didn’t care what people thought. If I happened to run into say…. Aragorn son of Arathorn… I would have been desperate to impress him. But I saw not reason to imitate the little apes in my class. I glared at them, and was in the habit of calling them “false reptiles.” I have no idea where that one came from, but it was one of my favorite phrases at the time. So I never bothered to make up a persona for school. I acted in character because I couldn’t be bothered to do otherwise. And now, I’m just used to the person I’ve appeared to be all along. I couldn’t be bothered to change it. Re-inventing oneself takes too much energy.
To Sarah: I like that outlook. It’s as good a reason as any to act the way you do. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m in your fan club, but I would hang about just to listen to you come up with things like that.
Fiona: I’m actually contradicting you, it seems. But it might be possible to be selfish and selfless at the same. Selfless for selfish reasons? Is such a thing possible? (I think it might be the grounds for religion, actually.)
Last night As I read the statement, “not caring what anyone else thinks,” I immediately thought of ways to back up why you shouldn’t care what anyone thinks of you. This idea crossing my mind several times today I was able to first handedly get offended and upset, at something either said or done. As I stayed after school today, wandering around the soccer fields with my swollen ankle, I began to ask myself why people (I) get offended at what other people say. Why at the sudden thought that they might have the wrong idea of us, we immediately react in radical ways. I decided to test myself and kick the ball against a wooden wall behind the soccer field to see if my foot could stand up to it. At first I was kicking the ball as hard as I could to see if I still had it in me to kick well. As my foot began to hurt in certain areas, I lost faith in my kick and would kick it poorly, afraid that my foot may not be able to hold up to my expectations. Standing there, concentrating on only myself and my expectations, I realized that what we often fear is the inability to prove ourselves to whatever is holding us down. When there is a misconception about us, our first reaction is to set things straight. And I believe that we get this motivation out of the fear that these accusers will believe in their arbitrary notions, and that we might not get the chance to prove them wrong. We constantly feel the need to set a certain reputation for ourselves, set our goals at a certain point, and do our best to represent ourselves in ways that don’t contradict. I feel that we allow people to think whatever they want about us, but as soon as it goes against one of these three points we then feel the need to reestablish ourselves. The fear of being different or this fear of rejection can cause us to either conform to the people around us, or further separate ourselves from these people. And I am a firm believer in the fact that as human beings we constantly want to be accepted by people, but when is the idea of being content with yourself going to be enough? Honestly I can’t answer this, it’s something that we must all answer for ourselves. Keeping in mind the fact that human beings yearn for acceptance, I question if there even is a remedy towards being self reliant. Even when we avoid what people say, and make efforts to put ourselves above them, this is simply a reaction or rebellion to what they’ve said and how we must prove them wrong. What is for certain is that other people’s opinions do allow us to react in some ways that otherwise we may not have done. Although many times we see it as the detrimental factor holding us down, making us insecure; it’s almost always the driving force in pushing ourselves beyond this criterion. Seeing how this may very well not be an outside suppression, as expected, we realize it might be an inner motivation, inspiring us as well as giving us an incentive to move forward. Whether kicking a ball or living everyday life, why when we immediately allow ourselves or others to care about something, it begins to conflict with our life? We heed advice that lines up with our own cognitive belief about ourselves. Stand strong in your beliefs and don’t care what people think. Dream big, run for president, be yourself. And on the other hand, we’ve been subconsciously told to care about what people think, our own mothers telling us how to act in the grocery store, how and what to say in church, all backed by the intentions of avoiding peoples’ judgments and opinions of us. When the concept of ‘not caring about what others think’ puts us at an advantage, we follow through and trust this advice. But when were told not to do something because of ‘what others will think’ we immediately cease and are sure not to continue with our plans.
This shows us that no matter what, where others opinions ultimately affect us in life, is in ourselves. The fear of not living up to what others expect of us doesn’t display the intimidation of the people around us, but shows us the lack of confidence in ourselves. All that we can do in what we are lacking, we can make up for in the amount of drive it gives us to overcome these pressures, fears, and influences. What we’re left with doing is using people’s opinions to our advantage and begin to learn to trust our own instincts and work off of this motivation.
High school. It is the phase of our lives where we either find ourselves or lose ourselves. And it can either break us or make us stronger. For me, I’m still trying to find peace. Peace with myself. And I know all these experiences whether good or bad right now will help me learn for the future. So maybe then, I can actually really mean it when I say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
-Kelly Nyge
Mr.Costal last year told us that your old self has to die for a new one to be born. Maybe highschool doesn’t have to be the process of us completely loosing ourselves or completely understanding ourselves, but in realizing that this change will take place, allow ourselves to break down(loose ourselves) in order to rebuild (find ourselves).
I believe the fear of rejection causes us to fall in line with conformity.
-Haley Adams
This statement is soooo true. We all want to be our own individuals and follow our own paths, but we always are concerned about how it will fit in with other’s schedules and how others will see it. Even letting the slightest bit of outward influence into our aspirations succumbs to huge amounts of conformity.
To: No specific person
Now that I think about it. Being accepted has always been a part of our lives. There is nothing wrong with it. The thing is, we get too used to following others that we fear to step out of the norm every once in a while to fight for what we believe.Even I have that problem, doing nothing even when I felt something was wrong. Like I said, in a not so clear manner in my actual post, people should do what they believe, without the need to shun every ideal of society.
Oh, and by the way, you people are depressing. Though your ramblings made me realize how much I've began to sugarcoat things since that gender blog...open your eyes you idiots. You aren't blind. Stop ignoring the happiness that you do experience.
Come on, look on the bright side of life. Listen to Eric Idle.
Warning: Offensive to people under the age of -6, and overprotective religious parents.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo
I have to say no ones opinion or view has ever mattered more to me then my mom’s. My friends are always there for me so I never had them look down on me or feel like they judged me for how I act or what I do. I can honestly say I don’t think I have ever been peer pressured or changed what I have done to fit in. I’m sorry, but if people don’t like the way I act then I don’t need them as a friend. I am fortunate enough to realize I don’t need to have people’s approval. I have seen so many people change how they act, dress, or talk to fit in or be cool, including my brother. It changes the person completely and most of the time it’s not for the good. I think people look for acceptance and judgement for self-confidence or a way to see themselves besides what they see. To go back to what I was saying about my mom’s opinion she is the only one who has personally judged me and reminds me of it everyday. Everyone else either does it behind my back or just doesn’t judge me. Everyday my mom makes me think twice about whom I am or what I am doing by pretty much just a look she gives me. I can tell if she approves or disapproves, and it does matter to me. I think her expectations keep my head in the right place. If we didn’t have people who loved us, setting expectations and judging us daily we might step out of line without seeing it ourselves. I lied when I said I had never been judged, well not truly lied. When I mess up I have my friends to tell me I did and then I normally attempt to fix it. I am not sure if that is pressure but I know it is influence. I feel for Hilary when she talks about her summer and how her friends thought they were too ‘cool’ to hang out with her. I used to think my friends did the same thing and it is a sucky feeling in general. You feel as if they have something that you’re not included in, but your right you do get over it. No matter how people perceive you, I think it’s most important to hold your perception of yourself above everyone else’s.
Human's live life in the paradox of other people's wishes. Many of individuals tell themselves that the only opinion that matters is their own opinion but its almost impossible to really live that way. If it was possible to go through life not caring what anyone else said about or thought about you, nothing would ever get accomplished.People would sit home, get fat, and be stupid all day because it had the same benefit of going out, working out, and being intelligent. I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but people care about if their fat for the reasoning of everyone else's opinion.And not many people want to be intelligent just for the sake of being intelligent. Everything in the human world is gauged by another person's opinion on it. Working, playing, school, reproducing, all deal with what other people think of you. The only reason people work is to achieve a wage, which is decided by what someone else believes is that workers worth. School is designed on a system created by people to give value to a person's intelligence and effort. The only way people continue surviving, reproduction wise, is based off of each person's belief and opinion of another person. All of theses things are concrete examples of how others thoughts are impossible to dismiss. The only true way a person could live without truthfully caring what others think about them is to move straight into a humanly uninhabited area to live solely alone without laws, wages, mates, or others thoughts and opinions.
Furthermore, its the curse of human thought to be able to be affected by these outside opinions and perceptions. Babies, who are incapable of conscious thought processing could care less if they look silly in front of people, or are looked down upon by their actions. But as soon as that baby reaches a suitable age of thought, around three or four, the toddler develops reasoning skills which cause this parasite of human actions. They begin questioning what they do and how their parents will react to them, which leads them to be pressured by their parent's opinion of them. All a young child wants to do is be loved by their parents, and it seems that conscious thought is the spawning pool for caring about others opinions. More on the peer's thoughts level of this though, people fear rejection, hatred, and reactions. In some instances humans try to gauge the sentiments of people before they perform their action due to these feelings. For instance, people get dressed on the basis of what is publicly accepted.They either want to fit in with their clothes, attract the opposite sex, or they wear whatever is "comfortable", which may seem like it's them not caring, but its the opposite. Why do people even get dressed in the first place, because I'm sure being naked is much more comfortable than wearing clothes. So they are not dressing for comfort, they are just compromising with others opinion of acceptable clothing. If they didn't care what others thought and wanted to be comfortable, they would come to school naked and pretty much give the finger to the authorities that say doing that is wrong. Their opinion would no longer be affecting these "comfortable" dressers, but like I said it does. Also, people are afraid of being rejected by others, so they allow others beliefs and opinions to affect their actions. Personally, there's things that I don't do just so other people don't reject me. There use to be a time when I'd literally say everything the way I felt, regardless of what others thought of me, because I thought to myself my opinion was the only one that mattered. But secretly, it would tear me apart that others thought I was cruel and an asshole. It's almost as if the day I bit my tongue and people reacted warmly to it, I compromised my own opinion of things to be accepted instead of the rejection I was use to. But now it seems that the warm feeling of acceptance is much more gratifying than the feeling of rejection, which is inevitable if people attempt to dismiss others opinion. So people end up capitulating to the feeling of acceptance over their own individual thoughts of how they should be acting.
Moreover, its almost as if acceptance is a addictive drug that once a person gets a taste of it, they are hooked for life, and only the strongest detox possible can break the addiction. They begin giving into more and more of what others believe and think of them, until they've completely lost themselves. It's instinctive in humans to want to feel that warmth, so unless a child is raised in the woods by wolves, and still then they could develop this ability to be affected by others, a person is almost helpless to the thoughts and criticisms of others. Actually, this is almost off topic but it just hit me that its actually encouraged to be affected by others opinions. Constructive criticism, is the ability to reform around a helpful opinion of someone else. Even people who do not respond well to criticism, are affected by the opinion because they begin to think, "I don't care what their opinion is, who are they. I'm doing it my own way" But they are essentially caring what they think, because they took the time to question their own actions and how they would proceed with them. Anyway, I digress. A way to remedy this problem is for a human to utterly let go of emotions that don't benefit them. In the words of the brilliant Tyler Durden, "You must achieve rock bottom." When a person "achieves rock bottom" they have no care in the world as to others opinions of them, causing them to override the innate human nature that accompanies conscious thought. Obviously this is nearly impossible though, because most humans cannot relinquish their fear, or ignore the pain that comes with being rejected by their peers, so instead they live life attempting to cope and be shaped by the beliefs of others.
Conclusively, I guess to be totally honest, I must say I live in a world in between the Fight Club rock bottom, and the being unable to deal with the feelings of rejection by my peers. To some extent I really don't mind looking stupid or living life basing my actions upon what others think is acceptable, but on the other side there are times when I try to be what others think of me. There's a point where I say to hell with the world, but on the flip side there's times when I question my actions and how people feel about me. For instance, when people criticize me or try to use their opinion to influence mine, there is times when I can sit and say thank you, but not pay it anymore attention. But, there is also times when I will sit and think, and think, and think about what they said and how I can avoid it next time. In my personal belief it would be best if I could achieve that level of "rock bottom" that Tyler Durden describes, where others opinion means nothing. As you can see, I'm somewhere in between the Fight Club level of exposure to the influences, and the completely affected level of influence, leaving me to be the victim of human natures dreaded parasite of conscious thought and partially achieve the near impossible by breaking away from the effects of conscious thought.
In response to almost everyone,
Guys, and girls I guess to not be sexist, I don't think you realize but by you saying "If they don't like me the way I am forget them," you've already been affected and influenced by someone else. Maybe you don't see it as you've changed, but one way or another their opinion forced you to choose "do I respond their way or my way?" See, maybe they didn't influence your actual actions but they influenced your thought process. By saying "screw them" your acknowledging their opinion and they are causing you to react. Once they cause you to react its over, because you no longer have a normal reaction. You have either yours or theirs, the normal reaction has gown out the window. If you want examples look at it this way: Matt was being peer pressured by some obvious broad, sorry to offend any females but that's what this girl clearly is, the true "I don't care" attitude would of been ignore them, because you can care careless what they are saying. Completely block it out and don't respond at all. Matt was forced into a situation where he did care, but he chose his option instead of their option, which was touch the disgusting wenches chest. He was forced by others to make a reaction, even if it wasn't their reaction it still affected his thought process. Anyone still not get the point, I can shoot examples till the cows come home just ask.
Nearly all the decisions we make are influenced at least a little by other people’s perception of that decision. For example, part of the reason I’m writing this blog is to not be “the kid” who doesn’t do homework. Having said that, I do want a good grade and part of the decision is made for myself, but for every decision made, other people’s perception of it plays a role.
All people inherently want to be liked and accepted by the group. This mob mentality is evident through the human race since the dawn of time, I’m sure most of the Nazi guards at concentration camps did not yearn to commit the atrocities they did. But I bet the average Nazi soldier did a lot of things against his morals to impress and fit in with his bastard Nazi friends :).
While this example may be extreme, the basic idea applies to everyone. The pressure to be liked in society has an effect on everyone, and I’ve noticed it in my own life too. I’ve discovered different variation of Michael Nanfara that arise in different social situations. The home alone version of me is very lazy, and believes pants are an optional piece of clothing, while the school version strives to get work done, and is usually wearing pants. I’ll also find myself acting differently around guys and girls. For example, if I’m handed a bad test grade, and I’m surrounded by girls, I’ll probably say something along the line of, “What the flip is this shizz?!” But if I’m surrounded by guys, the words “flip” and “shizz” will most likely be replaced by stronger adjectives. It’s not like I’m a different person in these situations, but I know what I do and say around one person will get the same reaction from another. My actions change accordingly to try and leave a good impression on different people. It all boils down to the want to be accepted be everyone.
A very prominent example of me changing the way I act to leave a good impression on others is at my workplace. During the summer I am a receptionist at my dad’s medical office. I do everything, answer phones, check patients in, verify insurances, the works. I work side by side with adults in a professional workplace with a very professional setting. When I started the job, I was treated like a little kid, and I hated it. I decided to act much more professionally. I was overly polite, courteous, and used a vivid business vernacular. This pained me to a great extent, especially when asked dumb questions by dumb people. Every time I was asked, “Is this a doctor’s office?” by someone, I had to hold myself back from saying, “What are you, stupid? Did you bother to read the giant sign in the front of the building as you walked in?” Instead I responded, “Yes sir, how can I help you?” Eventually my co-workers accepted me as an equal because of my professional attitude.
I basically lied to most of the patients I saw during that job. But I did it to leave a good impression on them. I wanted them to think of me as a professional, and I changed my behavior accordingly.
TO Jani:
I must say i liked your blog the best. It's quotes like these that I really related to,
But yes, we all are influenced by other people whether we realize it or not. It comes from a basic fear of being labeled as “different” I think.
I couldn't agree more. Everyone wants to be accepted on some level, and we will do anything to get there.
To Molly:
"I don’t know myself. I don’t know who I am. And because of that, I feel like I need to find a place in this world where I can find a cozy spot and stay there, unnoticed until I have found who I truly am."
I feel the same way. I'm not exactly sure what or who I am. I think I'm always evolving as a person because everyone else changes too.
The other day I exhausted myself by staying up late, and trying to comprehend my math homework. The next day, in math class, a classmate walked up to me and asked if they could “see my homework” aka: copy answers to the questions, which I spent an hour trying to solve. As much as I wanted to tell them to take a hike or even just say plain, NO. I didn’t. I handed my homework over to them, and that was that. I didn’t know this person, so why did I let them copy? When that senior asked me for my homework, I was afraid of what her reaction would be if I said no. Would she get angry? Would she tell the rest of the class? Would she take my homework anyway?
Other people’s perceptions of me have mattered for a long time. My fear is that someone won’t like me. Now I know I know. Why do I care? Why does one person’s opinion have such a strong hold over me? I care so much about what others think because I hate letting people down. I feel like every time I try to stand up for my ideas, or myself I risk making others unhappy. For a people pleaser, yes-man type, like me, upsetting, or letting others down feels like failure. I’m the media rep for student council. Several weeks ago, the advisor asked me to put something together for falcon TV. During a NJASC meeting, I got all the executive board together and we filmed a short video to introduce the board to the rest of the school. I was really excited about my video. After filming, I went straight to the media studio and started editing the footage. At 2:00pm, I was still working, even though the other board members had gone home. I didn’t finish until 4:00pm. When I was done, I was even more excited than before. I thought the video was best thing I’d made so far and that everyone would love it. As it aired on FTV, in front of the other board members, my mind quickly changed. When as the video ended, people began voicing their opinions, and they didn’t think my video was bad, they thought it was terrible. It broke my heart to hear that my project was the “worst video ever.” It took me five hours to make that video, but it took just seconds for everyone to tear it apart. Did you know someone even said they were embarrassed to be in it. There isn’t a worse feeling when someone mocks and jeers what you’ve put your heart into.
I hate peer pressure. Even if I could ignore it, it would still mess with my life. I’ve seen my friends change greatly due to peer pressure. I remember an incident in middle school when my “friend” got her hands on bottles of whiskey. She told me to drink it, she said, “so-and-so had done it.” I said no, and she called me a loser. We were twelve years old. We’ve since lost touch.
Oh Lawd, Godwin's Law...
...how I thought we could avoid it.
I hate to attack an analogy, but I think what a Nazi soldier did had more to do with not getting his head blown off than what others thought of him. A decent number of them defected when the possibility of doing so safely presented itself anyways.
Anybody else getting a big error message when they try to log on to the blog? I just had to bypass the whole log in screen just to comment =(
I know it's already done, but I'm going to comment anyway.
To Alison C:
You are awesome. I love your blog! Plus, I really wish that you would be your "home" self some time in school because I wanna see how different you really are from your "school" self. I'm not saying that you're boring or anything in your "school" self because, as you know, you are freakin' awesome. I might not have known you that long in Oakcrest, but you're cool.
To Ivan:
"Oh, and by the way, you people are depressing. Though your ramblings made me realize how much I've began to sugarcoat things since that gender blog...open your eyes you idiots. You aren't blind. Stop ignoring the happiness that you do experience."
Dude, seriously, the blogs are about rambling. We kinda have to answer the question with some examples from our lives and not everyone can look on the bright side of life. I mean, yeah, being pessimistic all the time with no letting up on it is a bit "eh-ish" but still. I just don't think that you should go around calling people "idiots" just because they want to support their answers with what happened in their life which doesn't always have to be "la-la" or "zip-a-dee-do-da." The blogs are meant to be a honest response from people, right? I don't want you hating me or anything, but if you don't like how people's rambling is depressing, just read the funny ones like Brendan's or something. Please don't get me wrong and think that I'm hatin' on you, I just thought that comment was uncalled for.
To Sergei:
:( Aw... poor Sergei... It's better now, right?
Another thing, I finally ended the blog comments!!! Screw the fight for the first post! I've got the last post! BWAHAHAHA!!! *Ahem* (goes back to being boring and doing HW)
Alice, are we now fighting for the last post here too? Because if we are, I'm now winning! SO... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
You won't win, in case you didn't know, and niether did I until vikkie told me, I stalk the blog. nothing gets past me!!!
Matt, must you fight everybody for the last post? There will be 50 million more blogs, so get over it.
Sarah, the answer is yes. Why? becuase everyone sets it up as a competition so i'm going to try my best to win. That's who I am. Wow, that's a rather fitting line for this post.
WAH!!! I should've known that Matt would fight me for it!!! Well, too bad!!! I've got it right now!
Sorry Alice, but now i'm winning:)
Guys, fighting for the last post is childish and silly. Please stop doing it.
Brendan, if we stop fighting, that you mean you'd win. Now, that was pretty devious but its not going to work with me :) Anyway, what's wrong with releasing your inner child? It's quite fun!
Yeah!! It's boring being mature! And I'm winning now!!! YAY!!!
Not anymore :)
HAH! WHAT NOW, WARRENER!!!! :)))
HA HU, NOW WHAT?!?!? and why are you up? the better question is why am i up? but who cares. I'm Winning
Wah, I'm up because I wake up at 5:30! And why are you up that time anyways?
:p I'm winning now!!!
...
:p SERGEI!!! Why are you commenting?
No, really. What is the point of fighting for the last comment, really? I would never do something like that. You should follow my example.
B, I think you are fighting for the last post just by posting, but you are doing it sneaky-like so we won't suspect anything. Clever, but not clever enough to fool...
...wait for it...
SARAH CRANE!!!!!!!
Sarah, really. I thought you were better than this? Can we all move on? It's so tiring, trying to teach you kids manners.
You aren't fooling me with your fake reasoning.
Since when are you the bigger person? I mean besides height.
You try to steal my purse at least once a week, now all a sudden you're acting like you think you're the adult in the situation.
I know that I'm not the mature one, but I'll be damned if YOU are.
STOP POSTING IF YOU WON'T ADMIT YOUR TRUE INTENTIONS.
I am shocked and appalled by your ridiculous accusation. And you always get your purse back, don't you? Why can't you be respectful of the blog like alice and matty? They haven't posted in days.
POSTY
POSTY
POST
*sigh*
So immature.
You can never be too paranoid XD
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